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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DD hates being left with her father

2 replies

introvert88 · 30/01/2019 22:38

Hi everyone,

First time poster here but love the support that everyone gives in these forums. Sorry if I am posting in the wrong section but I am in desperate need of advice.

My ex of 5 years left the relationship on New Year's Day. We have a 9 month daughter together, who he now sees 3 times a week in the evenings and on Sundays.
After coming home late from work, missing bath times, being less and less present etc. I found out he cheated on me and asked him to leave. I wanted to work things out after a fraught Christmas and asked him to come back. He said no and said he loves me but he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Now that his time with our DD has diminished, she gets hysterical when she is left alone with him. She only calms down when she has exhausted herself from crying so much or if I come back into the room. Has anyone experienced this? What can I do? I don't want to intervene and undermine his time with her.

I have become increasingly concerned and now he has agreed to look after her on Friday as I have planned a few drinks with friends in celebration of my first week back at work after maternity leave and I am now incredibly worried about leaving DD with him as she is beside herself within minutes of them being alone together. I don't doubt that he loves her but i think this reaction has made him scared of her and she picks up on his feelings.

Has anyone experienced this? Please could you give me some advice? My parents look after DD on the days I am work so I don't want to ask them to come round on Friday but this wouldnt help the underlying issue that DD is scared to be left with her dad because she doesn't see him enough.

I have probably left out lots of detail but hopefully someone can help me!

OP posts:
adaline · 30/01/2019 22:41

You say she cries until you come back in the room - is contact at your home still?

If so I would bet that she doesn't settle because she knows you're there and therefore she wants you! I'm sure she'll be fine with her dad if you go out Smile

Dirtybadger · 30/01/2019 22:47

Are you normally there? I don't have kids but when I have babysat for neices and nephews from babies until toddlers they are always much more upset at lack of a parent when they know they're around. Either if they haven't realised they have already left Or as soon as they arrive home the crying starts. After the initial bit, things are usually better.

I notice they have all been like it with their dad too (as mum is primary carer - although not SAHM full time). Bawling when mum leaves, just after, Then settling, then bawl again when mum comes back in.

If you're an option....Then she probably wants to be with you

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