I am struggling with this choice

[JujuBeanss]

Me and DP are marrying next year and I have been suffering from recurrent miscarriages now for a number of years. My condition doesn't make it impossible to have children but it's essentially like Russian roulette every time I conceive and I've been very unlucky so far. The doctors are however, hopeful it will happen eventually.

I now have the dilemma that I really really do not want to give up TTC until we get married but I am also worried about walking down the aisle ready to burst (if I end up so lucky).

I understand it's not a long time but we've been trying so long that it's the only thing that keeps me going and the thought of 'wasting' a year when I have no idea how long it will take me is causing me a lot of worry! It sounds a bit crazy but my way if thinking has been massively skewed by this whole experience.

I know that it sounds like an easy decision, just wait to get married or wait to TTC but my situation is putting a lot of pressure on me and I don't know what to do or how to feel about it or what to do for the best.

I am excited about our wedding. It's the only thing thats made me happy and distracted me since this whole thing started and I don't want to put it off.

I know there isn't a solution, I guess I just need to get the worry off my chest!

Sorry to hear of your struggles.

Tbh I think if you were pregnant when you married you’d be so happy that you honestly wouldn’t mind ! I don’t think you should worry about that at all. It will be a happy joyous occasion and if you are pregnant (visibly so) people will only be excited for you

I wish you luck

Agree will Milly.

Don’t waste a year.

You may have a baby as a flower girl for your wedding - wouldn’t that be wonderful?
Or you may go into labour when you say your vows - it will be a memorable occasion! You will be so happy about both events, you really won’t care.

Don’t delay!

Go to the registrar and get married as soon as possible. Completely eradicate this unnecessary stress from your life. Anxiety and stress play a HUGE role in infertility. Just do it and be done with it.

Focus on the wedding and enjoy planning it all! Don't stop TTC but make the wedding a focus. It might work in your favour and both will happen. Good luck

I agree with PP who said get married at a registry office now. Stress gone. Then have a huge fancy party for the christening. Some things (children) are to be prioritised over a party in a white gown that lasts one day.

The worst that can happen is you need a bigger dress. Really, who cares, it'd just be a happy thing.

So don't spend tons on a dress, that's all.

My initial reaction was "crikey, a baby's surely more important than a size ten dress" but on reflection that's unfair and there's more to it than that, of course. I'm so sorry that you've struggled with miscarriages.

I agree with bringing the wedding forward I think, unless the cost is prohibitive.

Could you marry earlier?
Do you want a big wedding?
Registry office, family meal out, then a pub for the reception would be ideal.
But it depends on what you want.
Don't stop trying to conceive though.

I can see why you might be reluctant. It will change the day a bit (No alcohol, more tired, etc).

But I would say if anything avoid TTC a few months before. At least if you're heavily pregnant you may reduce the risk of vomiting constantly, looking not quite pregnant but Maybe, and also if you're in early pregnancy around the time and then unfortunately have another miscarriage (if they have all been early miscarriages?) Then you don't want to be dealing with that at the time either.

If it were me I would continue TTC (if enough time has passed from last miscarriage) now and then stop TTC about 4 months before wedding. If you're not pregnant then you may be grateful for the psychological and physical break. If you are- great. If you miscarry within 3 months after as you are pregnant- you have some (granted not much) time to recover physically etc.

Good luck!

Plenty of people get married while pregnant and going by what you've been through, I'm sure if you were pregnant it would add to the happy occasion. Like someone else said, just don't spend loads on a dress in case you need to reconsider!

I wouldn't wait - wedding day was fabulous but it would have mattered a bit if I was pregnant - it's about love andnif you're pregnant that love is more