Why do all my partners leave me? What's wrong with me?

[frankiesamson]

I'm almost in my 40s, and every relationship I've ever had, he left me within 2 years.

What's wrong with me?

Throughout my life, reasons they gave are either, "I'm not in love with u anymore", "I met someone else & fell in love, I'm sorry.", "we just aren't working out", "I did love you & know I said I wanted to be with you forever but I changed my mind, I'm sorry", "I know I said I wanted to marry u last week but I was young & stupid then. I'm thinking clearly now. I'm not attracted to u anymore." (Yes this did happen with one, after 2 years together with no warning!), and sometimes no reason given. I often discover after the split up that the reasons they gave aren't truthful, and there's usually something completely different.

I'd say around 50% of them ask for me back after a few months. When they want me back they change their tune & give completely different excuses for the split up... stress at work... a blip... a mistake...

My most recent relationship ended after 2 years & him asking me to marry him one day- a week later he left me because he's "unnattracted to me"- later it turned out he had in fact met someone behind my back & left me for him. Fast forward a few months, she cheated on him & he wanted me back & said he was always attracted to me- he just made a big mistake. I made him took him but but since then he hasn't been the same - says he loves me but I don't see it in his behaviour anymore. V distant.

I'm just so tired of it all. What's wrong with me? The ratio of me splitting up with guys vs them leaving me is 0-100.

The types I've been with are almost all different races, cultural backgrounds, and personalities... so I'm not going for the same type each time.

Sorry guys, the only thing my partners showed during the years we were together, were loyalty, caringness, selflessness, just generally "good guy" traits... there's no case of any showing their "true selves" after a few months as suggested here. They stayed the same... reliable... up until around the 2 year mark when they lose interest. Hence why everyone so shocked each time.

Re: numbers.. counting the relationships... I've been single for long period as well as I won't settle for guys I don't think are good... I think it's 4 or 5 long ones (about 2 years each), but in total a lot more than that... Enough to notice I'm the one getting split up on all the time.

Yeah we have a relationship counsellor at the moment- she thinks the same things about him that I've just described. She thinks it's a good thing we tried again. She even thinks we are her most well matched couple. But everyone else thought that about us and we so shocked when he left me so suddenly. It's nothing new to me. I pick carefully & people always comment how we are amazing together etc. We share similar interests, click brain wise, highly compatible personality & humour, looks, everything is there & it in fact sometimes even makes couples a bit jealous of what we have.

When he gets back from his trip I'll bring up the distanced emotions at the next session but I know he will just deny it. This time I'm saving proof in my phone of a change in the way he texts me- just so there can be no denying this time.

As for the future, I don't know anymore. I'm so tired of it, regardless of whether it's luck or not.

@MrsBobDylan my new friends (who didn't know him) reacted the same way you did, until they met him- and totally changed their minds! Literally 180.

I asked why the change of heart, and they said they understood the details a bit better after I explained it & that nothing is black & white. (I can't go into the details online unfortunately)

But in terms of the latest one being a little shit. I really wish he was... it would make it all so much easier. Truth is he acted out of character, based on an unusual misunderstanding between us. I actually wish it wasn't the case.

I just feel like all these guys have wasted so much of my time.. I'm no spring chicken anymore!

Aren't you the poster whose husbands iPhone erased itself?

@Boys Yes. The current partner is actually her husband according to her two other threads.

I really cannot understand why you went back to this dude.
And I wouldn’t trust any “relationship counsellor” that says you’re the best well matched couple she’s ever met.
To be honest that strikes me that neither of you are being truly honest with her, yourselves, or each other.

Why do you say that? Are you saying there are no couples who this has happened to, who have made a long term success out of their relationships?

Anyway, this thread wasn't really meant to be about the latest one, it seems to be an ongoing problem.

And by the way, I did not take him back out of fear! Apologies if I gave that impression

How long have you been with your husband?

It's not YOU! To coin that phase "it's not you it's them', but it's true. It sucks that you have to go through all this but you just haven't met the one. Clearly. Stop looking, or look in different places. When you meet the one he will love you, despite your faults, whatever they may be, we all have them. Sorry it hasn't happened for you yet, but don't waste time on people that don't love you for who you are, warts and all. Choose someone that chooses you.

They're not at all emotionally the same & I did imagine myself forever with each one (I wouldn't get into a relationship if I just though meh he's okay!).

I don't know how many relationships you are talking about but in your OP you give at least 5 examples of break up reasons that they've given you so I'm assuming you are talking about 5 different men at least.

Maybe you have been very lucky but can you honestly say that you have had 5 relationships with men you consider to be life long partners? I'm no expert but in my experience that is very very unusual.

In the gentlest way possible do you have unrealistic expectations for these relationships?

In hindsight, I think the ones I thought would be lifelong, were two of them. Is that unusual? How many do people normally meet in a lifetime?

@Beenherebefore thanks so much for your kind words. I just wish it was true that everyone meets "the one ". Unfortunately I know a lot of people who have lived long lives and never met the right person... and I know some who were extremely lonely, even though they tried to appear happy all the time. It's really sad.

I really thought my latest one was the one; Before all of this happened. It is just such a shock to the system when someone you trust 100%, who has never shown any sign of dishonesty or disloyalty, after 2 years suddenly changes into someone you don't recognise.

Maybe you should follow the ridiculous advice you were spouting on another thread about how to keep your partner "satisfied"

@Princess1066 you are a darling, thanks for that. I do though, but thanks again.

OP why do you have different threads about different situations?

You have had a long term relationship. You are married, according to your other thread.

On both threads you are ignoring people about you huge inconsistencies.

And on one thread she talks about her husband "almost dying a few years ago" which is odd given this post.

In hindsight, I think the ones I thought would be lifelong, were two of them. Is that unusual? How many do people normally meet in a lifetime?

Not unusual know. It's not what you said earlier though. You were very clear that you felt this way about all of your relationships.

Why are you analysing the ending of your most ‘recent one’ on this thread yet you are married?

Going by your phone thread, I think you accussing them of doing something that there is a very strong chance they haven't is your issue.

@Silly I think not being sure if she's married or not maybe an issue also

Well, she says that divorce ought to be illegal on a thread she responded to, cos a promise is a promise and you should pick your partner v. carefully. So. There you go.

Some threads he's her husband, some threads he's her partner. It's hard to know what to believe, isn't it?