Contact with my daughter

[Tucobenedicto]

Hi just new here..I am male and have a 4 year old daughter..my ex partner and i have a very up and down relationship..we are no longer together in anyway and haven't been in a long time..she only let's me see my daughter when it's suits her which isn't very often..I had her on Xmas eve for the day then for no reason told me I wouldn't be seeing her on Xmas days has her plans had changed..still got all her presents in my house. Had enough so I've went to a lawyer..basically to begin with I am asking for 2 evenings per week 4-7pm..then Friday night one week..Saturday night the next..she has stayed with me loads of times so no probs there..I live in Scotland so I think that makes a bit of a difference regarding parenting though not 100% sure. I am on my daughter's birth certificate and also pay 97 pounds per week through CMS. Just wondering if that timescale with her sounds reasonable. The lawyer said if she doesn't agree then it would go to court where a sheriff would then decide which could end up costing me a couple of thousand pounds. Would be most grateful if anyone has any experience with this. Thank you.

I don't have any advice but I am watching with interest as my brother is going through similar and has not yet contacted a lawyer. I wish you the best of luck and I am sure you will get some useful input here.

Thank you middleagerange..I feel for your brother

You won’t necessarily need a lawyer but it is a lot easier than self representation. Have you asked your ex to go to mediatoon yet? Court will probably suggest / order it as part of their process unless one of you has been abusive to the other.

Start keeping evidence of your requests to see your Dd - do you have any texts where she’s turned it down?

The lawyer has given her 10 days to reply.if we can agree through lawyers then it won't go to court. He did say mediation which I am all for. No abuse or any other issues which would prevent me from getting regular contact. Yes got lots of txts regarding me seeing my daughter which I hope will be helpful

Good luck, I think the request is very reasonable considering her previous behaviour towards access x

If you do need to go to court please do some research about self representation. It will cost far less

Good luck

I have never even thought about self representation. I have never been involved with much legal or court stuff..thanks that's great advice.

Going through something similar, I think you should try mediation first save yourself loads of money, you need to be together with someone independant and find out what the problem is and get something in writing if possible, then if she swaps and changes her mind you can take it further.

I'm learning the hard way here too i've been too upset and angry at my ex husband to see what needs to be done for my son, but I still won't let him walk all over me so that's why mediation comes in to iron out the differences and be fair to everyone.

There has to be a reason and mediation will help.
Good luck

What time does your daughter go to bed?

Do you work? Can you collect her at 4pm twice a week?

Does she attend school? If so who would care for her from after school until 4pm?

I would think about how this will work with school. I don’t know if she’s in school or starting in September, but school nights are quite full on, especially in the first year or so. There’s no way my dd could have coped with being out on a school night until 7pm. There’s homework to be done, school admin, etc. If you live quite close to each other, it might be manageable, but initially she’ll likely to be exhausted and the extra shuttling around probably won’t do her any good. It might almost make more sense to have her a block of days, so she can do homework with you, have dinner, settle to bed at your house rather than being moved back and forth when there’s already a lot of transition going on. But just from experience, my dd found being out doing something that late really overwhelming in reception, and even now her after school activity that goes til 5/5:30 can throw off the rest of the night.

You need to negotiate around what is best for the child and her schedule. Mediation should help

Self representation means you just play the court application fees of a few hundred pounds.

Are you on the birth certificate? If not you’ll have to apply for PR.

Please join some single parent forums, look into gingerbread and look for some single parent support websites who will advise on court process.

My ex husband did it and judges were VERY patient and lenient with him and helped enormously.

Thank you for all your messages and advice...I get the 7pm might be a bit late but she doesn't start school till August..also I don't finish work till that time. She can't stay with me during the week as I leave the house at 5.30am..I've also 2 grown up kids so I know how hectic it can be with school and activities and there's no way I would have her out late and out of her routine..I think mediation sounds the way to go and hopefully avoid court which would just drag it on longer..once again thanks to everyone who replied..all your messages have been a great help..

She’s not staying at a friends house. She’s staying at her dads, which hopefully in time will just as much feel like home.
How are people supposed to form decent relationships with their children if the said children are treated as the property of one and not the other.
The happiest children see both their parents houses as home. And I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want that.

Perhaps when she starts at school you might want to see if you can adjust your morning start a couple of days per week.

Anyway. Good luck. I am sure you can come to a reasonable agreement. Make sure you get holidays/birthdays/christmases also accounted for.

I never thought of getting days for Christmas and birthdays..I just thought I would naturally see her on those days when it gets sorted but my ex will be so unreasonable that I will need to have those days in writing as well..thank you that's a great shout