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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband is having online infidelity.

32 replies

Keysie143 · 30/01/2019 14:01

I found out that my husband of 20 years has been cheating on me "online". My husband is often away to work and I have been busy pursuing my career so there were times when we couldn't see each other, although we made it sure that we will try to go home as much as we can.

I noticed some changes on my husband so I decided to investigate more about. And so it turned out that he's been visiting a lot of cam sites and talking to different cam models - whom he often give his money to. Although it hurts to see their conversation; I understand that my husband just needed to relieve himself (which these girls often failed to do for him). Now that's okay and all. But then there was this girl whom he started chatting more than the others. Although I am pretty sure that they weren't really serious with each other (at first) they started to play the role of lovers: She became his girlfriend). But of course that doesn't mean he doesn't visit or talk to other girls as well. However as time goes by, my husband slowly lose interest in visiting cam sites and doesn't talk to a lot of girls as he used to and just stick with her. They have been chatting for 5 years.

And that's how I noticed the changes in my husband. He's always on his phone even when we are around, even when there are occasion or party in the house I noticed that he's always using his phone, taking photos but never posted them on his FB.

It turned out that he was chatting with her and he was showing those things to her. He sent her pictures and do live cam just because she wanted to see it. Turned out that he told her that he's divorced and when the "girlfriend" saw my picture with him and our family, he said that I am his sister.
He talked about the addiction problem of our child. Showed her pictures of our grandchildren. He shared her almost everything except about me.

He's tired of the problems that our child is caushing but never get tired of her attitude. God, she's the most demanding and hot headed girl I have ever seen. She often "break up" with him and he always try to fix it.

Of course they do exchanged of "I love you's" although I do not really think much of it since he said that to other girls before as well. He's saying he's "in love with her" though and wanted to be with her and spent the rest of his life with her. He never said that to her before but he's saying it now to her. He was even thinking of meeting her.

I confronted him about it and he denied it. He stopped using his cp whenever I am around and been very careful. So the impatient gf got angry and broke up with him; they got into a big argument this time and he didn't contact her to talk or fix it. She tried to fix it this time but he's not talking. But then I found out that he saved the new number she's using on his contacts. And now they are back talking again.

Should I be worried about it? I am not sure if he sees her just the same as the other girls whom he chatted with. Why would he save her number again?

OP posts:
WhateverName2 · 30/01/2019 14:11

Are you seriously asking if you should be worried??

LJ25 · 30/01/2019 14:13

This has been going on for 5 years and your asking if you should be worried? Have you known about this for the whole 5 years?

Keysie143 · 30/01/2019 14:17

Nope just last year.

OP posts:
Grimbles · 30/01/2019 14:19

Wait, what?

LIZS · 30/01/2019 14:20

He has moved on, maybe you should too.

WhateverName2 · 30/01/2019 14:20

Kick him out!! He is having an affair!!

Keysie143 · 30/01/2019 14:22

That's why I was wondering if this is something to be worried about. It's been 5 years but he never met her in real. So there's a chance he's only playing around.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 30/01/2019 14:23

He is having a full blown affair and has been for ages but you've turned a blind eye and basically let him go ahead. Now his feelings for her have supposedly deepened, you're worried?
Seriously?

HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR! He doesn't give the slightest shit about you.
Why are you still with him?? Please have some self respect!

Grimbles · 30/01/2019 14:23

It's still cheating you know...

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 30/01/2019 14:24

He has checked out of your marriage.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 30/01/2019 14:25

Most people would have filed divorce papers by now.

I'm sorry that's he's treating you so appallingly, and I'm even sorrier that you seem to think you don't deserve better than this.

Leave him. Find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.

misskiki69 · 30/01/2019 14:26

Is this something to be worried about? Wtf??? This is far from acceptable behaviour for a married man.

Dirtybadger · 30/01/2019 14:35

Is he still paying her or any other women for any of this?

Keysie143 · 30/01/2019 14:38

He's sending her money every month. It wasn't that much though 300-600$ a month depends,. Last month he spent almost 1000$ on her.

OP posts:
WhateverName2 · 30/01/2019 14:45

Are you for real? Why are you still with him??

LIZS · 30/01/2019 15:16

Maybe there is nothing physical -yet Hmm but she has enough pull for him to spend his time and money on her, in a way he chooses not to with you. If he were gambling that much, or drinking it away, would you tolerate it without question? If he travels how do you know he has been "faithful"?

FinnGermey · 30/01/2019 16:09

This is a wind up. Surely no one is that stupid?
'My husband is sending money & pictures to another woman, every month and works away a lot. Should I be worried?
Come on, you've got to do better than that!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/01/2019 16:15

Even though it's not physical (yet), he's still cheating on you, and you should treat it accordingly. Kick his arse out, tell his friends and family wjat hes been up to.

Jez why do people out up with this shit.

Renarde1975 · 30/01/2019 16:19

The Cumberbatch speaks...

Husband is having online infidelity.
Renarde1975 · 30/01/2019 16:20

Except he doesn't it would seem 🤣🤣🤣

chocolatepluswine · 30/01/2019 21:00

He is sending her money. EVERY MONTH. A lot of money. And it's been going on for five years.

And you're wondering if you should worry? Come on, now. He has you right where he wants you. Show him that's about to change.

The mind boggles.

SandyY2K · 30/01/2019 21:28

So would it be okay with him if you got an online BF.....

MiniTheMinx · 31/01/2019 09:56

What a stupid man. Why do you want to be with such a twat.

I assume you work? He's not supporting you. He's instead spending family money, a percentage of which is yours on supporting her. I'd be livid. Too many men pimping their wives to capitalist scum, and then paying for still poorer women to satisfy their libido with porn, camming, lap dancing, call girls... ... All the while using a percentage of our earnings to do it. Wake up woman.

I bet she looks fab on scamming these stupid men. How are you looking? Tired? Beaten down? Worse for having devoted your time to your family and home? She sells herself as a commodity, you sell your labour to support a system that devalues both yourself and her. You need to be angry at least at this.

Kittykat93 · 31/01/2019 10:04

This has to be a joke surely Grin no one is that much of a mug

Misshaversam · 31/01/2019 11:57

Is this some kind of joke..
Your husband is not only having a long term affair, but sending this woman your hard earned money? Money that should be going on your family?
It’s been going on for FIVE YEARS???
You need to give yourself a shake woman!
I find it quite worrisome that you’re asking people if you have anything to worry about... do you have no self esteem or self respect?
If that were my husband, he would have been OUT the minute I became aware and would be pursuing everything I was entitled to without a backward glance!!!!!!
I have no words at all!! Good lord!!!

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