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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’ve done the right thing here haven’t I??

15 replies

Xxalisoncxx · 30/01/2019 12:48

Hi everyone, thanks in advance for reading this. I meet a guy online around a month ago. Back story i was raped around 15 months ago which led to a mental breakdown, it’s took me until now to want to be with someone else. He was the first guy I’d meet who actually got me a drink, took me out ( I know I really need to aim higher) I decided to end things today. This may sound really trivial, he never listened to me, I’d start talking and he’d totally blank what I was trying to say. I’d repeatedly told him that my brother drives, would fetch my daughter other day he says ‘oh your brother drives’. He would get quite angry when I was trying to explain that he was getting quite aggressive when I was only trying to explain. I said today that I didn’t think it was working, I got an angry message saying I was drama. I said fine I’ll leave you to get on with your life.,I think I was flattered everything I’d been through and previous bad relationships that somebody would actually take me out and buy me a drink, my self esteem is that low. I thanked him for everything and said to take care . Am I been unreasonable in wanting to be with a person I can actually have a conversation with? Someone who doesn’t try and pull out my piercings when he’s tired ( I know Confused) after a month he’s not even worth the head space is he?

OP posts:
crimsonhair · 30/01/2019 12:50

he would not pass as a friend in my opinion so well done for not wasting your time

flowersonthemoon · 30/01/2019 12:51

No he's definitely not worth the head space, sounds like a lucky escape.

I'm really sorry you went through something so awful. Have you had any therapy?

Maybe work on your self esteem to get it a bit higher before dating. You shouldn't be questioning this situation. He sounds vile.

Readytorewind · 30/01/2019 12:54

Tried to pull out your piercings when tired? WTF?

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2019 13:07

He sounds utterly vile OP.
Well done on recognising this and ending it.
Have you had any support from specialist organisations?
I would suggest you call Womens Aid and ask about their Freedom Programme.
What support did you receive after the rape?
Have you had support from Rape Crisis or some very good counselling?
You deserve only the best.
The Freedom Programme can help you spot these assholes a mile away.
You can set your boundaries and it will help your self-esteem.
Please do it asap. Attend in person.

carrotflinger · 30/01/2019 13:23

Someone who doesn’t try and pull out my piercings when he’s tired
Eh???
He's tired so he doesn't really know what he's doing so he pulls your piercings out??
Don't understand.
But no one should be trying to pull anyone's piercing out, tired or not.
You've done the right thing.

Xxalisoncxx · 30/04/2019 01:34

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your advice you gave me in Jan. Quick update, didn’t hear a word until last week when I got a text on a different number of his. First, claimed he was sorry, he was in a different place now, he was changed etc. I said no but I wished him well. I then got the most hateful replies of ‘i’m not surprised you were raped, only way a man can get sex from you’ then a viscous, he’s found another women who doesn’t have in his words ‘face freezing’ ( i have Botox, (he asked if I did when we meet) big deal) I replied good for you, your blocked. I knew he was nasty, this took it to a whole different level. Very relieved to be rid x

OP posts:
pog100 · 30/04/2019 01:53

Nice confirmation you were right, though to be honest it's pretty obvious. I'm really glad you are on a path to setting boundaries and valuing yourself more highly!

tootruetoyou · 30/04/2019 09:44

Wow that was the most awful thing for him to say. Thank goodness you're out of it. All your worst fears were right and he showed his true colours pretty quickly.

FetchezLaVache · 30/04/2019 09:56

Nasty bastard!!! You were absolutely spot-on about this one.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/04/2019 11:58

sounds like a Knob... you're well rid Flowers

OldAndWornOut · 30/04/2019 12:17

Glad you've had absolute confirmation of what a knobhead he is.

RLEOM · 30/04/2019 13:17

He's clearly very hurt and very bitter. Don't rise to it and just ignore all contact from now on.

TurquoiseLagoon · 30/04/2019 13:23

Jeez he sounds absolutely awful. Well done in ending it.
Just to kindly add - you can end things with anyone, even for "no reason". Don't feel there has to be a certain level of unacceptable behaviour (abuse) for you to be able to say you've had enough. If you just don't feel it'll work out then that's OK.
I have known friends not to go on a second date with someone because they didn't like the guy's shoes. You don't need permission / a reason to say no.

A pp has suggested counselling /the freedom programme. That would be a good idea for you xx

PositiveVibez · 30/04/2019 15:51

You may have had self esteem, but your knobhead radar seems to be working again.

Good for you OP.

Good luck for the future. Flowers

PositiveVibez · 30/04/2019 15:51

*low self esteem

Which now you have dumped this loser, should begin to rise once more

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