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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think i'm in an emotionally abusive relationship

5 replies

nowheretorunorhide · 30/01/2019 10:40

Name changed for obvious reasons. Sorry this is a bit long.

I'm coming to the conclusion I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and he has so much control over me. I have been with my partner 2 years, lived together 1 year. I met him in a pretty vulnerable place in my life and he basically lovebombed me. Now he has me living with him I feel very trapped and walking on egg shells.

He has paid for things to help me out and I now owe him money, so if I spend anything on myself now, I am made to feel guilty that I haven't given that money to him to pay off my debt (which I am paying off every single month). Everything is about his needs and making sure he is ok, he's very selfish and my emotions do not seem to matter.

I am working 5 days a week with two small children, whilst struggling with BPD because I have been made to feel like I need to earn more money by him. He has told me I need to lose weight for him to propose to me, like it is some incentive. He doesn't believe that binge eating disorder exists and that his emotional abuse is making me eat and gain weight. He pushed me into an abortion I didn't want then once it was done he gave me no support (he left me driving his car back to get fixed whilst I was physically losing the baby). Any disagreement leads him to threatening breakup. I stupidly have given up my home for this person and now have no where to go and money owed to him. I have since found out he has been charged with harassment by two ex girlfriends who left him and he ended up going into a mental hospital for suicide attempts.

I am lost so scared how to leave with two small children. He can be lovely and kind and horrible the next. I have no money and i'm scared to change my daughters school again and worried he would try to do something to hurt me when I left.

OP posts:
flowersonthemoon · 30/01/2019 10:48

Please speak to women's aid. I think you need to formulate a plan to leave ASAP.

You could go into a refuge to get yourself back on your feet. I know you probably don't want to do that but with his form for harassment of ex's I think it's the best option.

You need to get yourself and your children away from him.

nowheretorunorhide · 30/01/2019 12:32

The problem is whenever I call them I have to leave a voicemail then when they call me back he'll be home again. I feel so stupid for moving in with him and putting myself and children in this situation.

Does it sound like he is emotionally abusive? Sometimes I wonder if I am just over sensitive.

OP posts:
flowersonthemoon · 30/01/2019 12:41

He sounds very emotional abusive.

Can you leave a voice mail saying please call me within the next hour as soon as he's out of the house. When I was in a similar situation to you I did this and most the time they would.

flowersonthemoon · 30/01/2019 12:44

Please don't doubt that this is real abuse. He's been charged with harassment twice which means he was abusive to two other women.

nowheretorunorhide · 30/01/2019 13:52

I am going to call them tonight and hope they can help me. I feel so weak and unable to walk away. It's so frustrating as I really do love him, but I know it will get worse and that I need to get out for me and my kids.

OP posts:
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