I haven't had sex in 6 months because it hurts me

[googleismyfriend]

I've been with DP for nearly 2.5 years. We lost our virginity to each other 6 months into the relationship. I am always so reluctant to have sex because it hurts me physically. I don't know if it's because I was a virgin before and have only had sex maybe 20 times since, but I find it so painful every time - I get a burning sensation down there. I've been to the doctors who were not much help: they said I had blood in my urine, I took antibiotics and still had blood so I was referred to cancer specialists; luckily I do not have cancer. But that was the end of the matter and it did not solve why I feel pain during sex.

We switched from latex condoms to non latex condoms, which helped. We use lube (a natural plant based one) which he puts on himself and some round the opening on me.

The pain has meant I haven't wanted to have sex in the past 6 months. DP is so understanding and says we will take it at my own pace. But I really want to resume our sex life for the sake of our relationship, for intimacy. We are intimate in other ways: we cuddle and kiss a lot. But the lack of sex due to the pain it causes makes me feel down. I just want to enjoy sex like most other people...

Has anyone been through the same thing or have any advice for me? It would be very much appreciated. Thank you

@MetuaVahine thank you so much I need to see a consultant too as it could be the same issue re. the hymen for me. I took about 3 courses of antibiotics in quick succession too when doctors thought I had a UTI but the blood still remained in my urine after the antibiotics courses.

Following on from my earlier post, I am no medic but I do think it is important for the OP, with professional help, to discover whether the problem is medical or not. Fear of pain in itself would cause anyone to tense up and you finish in a Catch 22 situation.

Can l ask the OP roughly how long she is spending on foreplay?

Also how experienced is her partner?

Finally, be proud of your womanhood and feminine beauty!

@StarlightLady I will go to the doctors again and this time I will push for some answers. My DP is as inexperienced as I am: we were both virgins until we lost our virginity to each other. I would say we spend 10 minutes on foreplay. But it's usually just kissing and talking as other things I find uncomfortable/painful.

I'm having issues right now, but after having a healthy sex live with DH for many years. I know how it should be, you defiantly need a genycolgy refural. Burning pain and blood in your urine is not normal either and they may have ruled out the worst case scenario but doesnt mean thing should stop there. There are many other gyn problems that could be causing this and it needs checking out.

I had something similar for about 3 years, until I found a GP who took me seriously and eventually diagnosed vulvadynia. I was prescribed gabapentin (an epilepsy drug, but also used for neuropathic pain) and that was a total game changer.

Might be worth mentioning to your GP?

Good luck, OP, I really empathise with how distressing this can be.

Have you tried different types of lube? Not from boots- get different types online.