Husband lost the plot

[Woofwoofbaa]

Life events, lots of strain and he left last year. He’s made a new life, tho sees the DC regularly
General consensus is he is not very well mentally but it’s very sad, he’s not sought any help. The only people who could influence him to seek therapy are his parents but they are head in sand type people

I don’t really know why I am posting. I suppose it’s to ask this. If someone you love has a proper mental health crisis but runs away rather than seek help, there’s sometimes nothing left to do is there. You just have to let them go.

I have experience of this. In your position, there's absolutely nothing you can do but leave him to his problems and make a new life for yourself.

It IS sad. It's very sad. But that's life. I would limit your own contact with him to enable you to move on yourself.

Thanks
I was exactly hoping for a reply from someone who had experience of this.
It’s sad as those he has stayed close to/the new young “friends” just don’t see he is actually rather unwell

It’s hard to let go of caring about someone isn’t it. When you have loved someone all your adult lives, over 25 years and have small kids. I did really love him so very much,

What makes you say he's 'unwell mentally', Rather than average bloke who dumps wife and family for 'new young friends' and quite possibly new young woman? What mental health issues is he suffering from?

Have spoken to a very experienced therapist myself who has heard the whole story and said so and several other people who have seen events unfold have said the same thing. (Several also say what you have just said but it’s the experienced therapist’s opinion that clinched it for me)
The issues haven’t been given a diagnosis.

Is he mentally unwell or mentally weak? One is forgivable, the other not so much.

And you can't rely on a diagnosis given by someone who hasn't even seen your dh. Are you projecting his 'unwellness' to make you feel better?

Whether he's ill or not, OP....focus on yourself. Stop worrying about him...stop thinking about him...let go of what was and be present.

What is going on in YOUR life? The one you have now?

What is going on in YOUR life? The one you have now?

Yes, you need to focus on YOU now. Your DH has his "new young friends" what are your plans for your new life? We only get one, you know. Please don't waste it agonising and pondering on his issues. He seems to have found comfort elsewhere easily enough.

Does it matter? He chose others over you. MH or mid life crisis, generally weak willed, or affair with young women.

What you really want is for him to realise, come running home to you. That's unlikely and probably not best. You can't see this yet, because you aren't over him.

Where is your anger? Normally anger is one of the first stages, but you aren't there yet.

Yes, put the focus back on myself. Busy with very very tiny kids, return to do a small amount of work soon. Have lots of friends and can start to see them more. Gym etc.

No, something has flipped. I don’t want him to come running back.
As I put in the first post sometimes you just have to let them go.

Thank you all

Gonna stop posting now and focus on myself for today :-)

Don't get dragged in. It will drain you of everything. Find yourself, be free and strong.

Sorry this has happened, OP. Maybe he is one of those men who can't cope with the demands of full time fatherhood, if, as you say, your children are very small.

I hope you can create a new life for yourself.