I think I’m an awful person.

[WellingtonPark]

I’ve just heard that my abusive ex has got cancer.

My first reaction? Relief.

He made my life an absolute misery with utter self absorption and violence. I finally found the strength to leave when he stole from my best friend and she helped me to stand up to him.

But he’s still a human being. I’m beating myself up that I don’t give a shit that he’s dying.

Did you make him have cancer ?

No ? Then don't give it, or him, another thought

It’s unfortunate but not your concern anymore. Don’t even think about him. Get on with living the best life you can x

You aren’t really obliged to care about anyone, whether they were nice or nasty to you. Not enough people realise that. It doesn’t make you an awful person. And all the more so why would you feel any care towards somebody who clearly didn’t care for you?

You don't owe him anything but it's good that you haven't allowed your experience with him stop you being a good person. Try not to worry about him, would he care about you?

No you’re not. There’s no justice with this stuff anyway.

It didn’t happen but in the early days I spent far too much time wishing my ex would get smallpox. I don’t know much about smallpox but it helped.

I think relief is a very "normal" reaction don't beat yourself up over it!

Thanks for all the nice responses. I feel so guilty for not giving a shot but maybe it’s not so unusual after all.

I stalked saw on FB that my ex has cancer. I felt the way you do OP. I;m not proud of it but he treated me like crap so I couldn't help it.

Think of it this way... On the off chance there's some weird unknown quota of people who HAVE to contract a hideous life threatening disease, rather him than a lovely upstanding member of a family who does nothing but dote on their family and friends.
You can't help how you feel. They're you're feelings. You recognise that he's going through something horrible and that's empathy enough. You can't help the rest. Don't beat yourself up.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Trust me, indifference is a far better place.

Do you have children together?

Getting cancer doesn't absolve him or change who he is and what he did.

You're not a Saint, you're human. As long as you're not nipping in to smother him in his sleep, it's all good.