Don’t know what to think - new boyfriend

[Messingwithmyhead]

I’ve been with my BF for 5 months, really like him. Both divorced, me because my ex cheated, him because he said his wife and him “grew apart”.

At the weekend, I was at a party of one of his work colleagues (there were quite a few of his work colleagues at the party). This is the first time I’ve met his work colleagues.
I noticed this one woman (Karen) who kept looking over at him (I didn’t think he paid too much attention to her) and whenever I was away from him, she would always go over to talk to him but when I returned she would leave an go chat to other people.

Later on, she and a couple of her friends (also BF’s colleagues) started to talk to me, and everything was really friendly, then this woman said oh there’s load of cheating goes on in our profession (they and BF are police officers), she then said “isn’t there Karen” and this Karen got all shy and coy like and looked over to my BF.

Now maybe I’m being a bit paranoid because of my past experience with ex, but I asked BF why him and his wife split up, again he said they grew apart. I then asked if he had cheated and told him the reason why I was asking this.

He swears blind he didn’t cheat on his ex, but did admit to having a thing with Karen after he split with his wife, and before he got with me, but it was only for a couple of weeks, he knows she would go with him again if he let it happen, but he isn’t interested in her (she is about 15 years younger than him), as he knows she will be wanting different things from him as he is at a different stage in his life (I think here he is talking about kids, he already has 2 and doesn’t want any more, and I have 2 and don’t want anymore either), and he didn’t “feel it” with her.
He assures me I don’t have anything to worry about it’s me he wants to be with, and couldn’t be more happier.

I’m now a bit cautious and have backed off a bit, and he has noticed this. Do you think I’m right to be cautious? I know I have no right to know about his past relationships and I think it’s made more of a problem because they work together and also my friend has told me cheating is rife in the police force.

Argghhh I just know know what to think or do.

I totally understand why you are being cautious and a bit worried. However, it sounds to me like this Karen is jealous he is now with you and her and her mates are stirring it a bit.
If she is available and made it clear she wants to be with him, why would he choose you over her? It does sound like he's not interested in her.
I would ignore what anyone else says (especially if they have an alterior motive) and just enjoy your relationship.

I understand that it wasn't a nice feeling for you, but I think he's been honest and that is a very good sign. Those girls were unkind for making you feel uncomfortable- they weren't exactly subtle were they.

If he'd wanted to be with her, he would be with her. He's with you though. I don't see your problem.

Sound like he is being honest, he told you something happened. She sounds jealous and the colleagues sound like stirrers.

Cheating could be 'rife' in his field of work, but don't you think it depends on the individual?

Prior to the party, you were happy and certain with your DP, but now due to the conniving group of colleagues, you're beginning to thread carefully? What makes you think they didn't stage that topic of discussion just to put you off.... And you're letting them get to you.

I think you should carry in enjoying your relationship and if your man was shady, no way would he have taken you to the work do. Yes, you're allowed to be careful as you're still in your honeymoon period but be careful not to ruin the good thing you have as a result of jealous Karen.

*Tread.... bloody phone!

Sounds like if he wanted to be with Karen then he would be with Karen. Don't sabotage something good for a baseless fear. He has a right to have a sex life prior to you.!

Thanks everyone, it does make sense that he was honest with me and I suppose if he had anything to hide, he wouldn’t have took me to the party.

I just don’t want to get hurt again, and I know that I need to work on me for that.

Once again thanks

She's a jealous immature spiteful cow. Ignore her.

I wouldnt worry at all. He's been honest. The friends were shit stirring and unkind. He wouldn't have taken you along if he had anything to hide. The collegue obviously still likes him, but if he wanted to be with her he would be. Nothing about this situation sounds worrying (that's not to belittle your concerns, but to point out that I think you can relax here).

Maybe he should have mentioned Karen to you before the party so you were prepared but apart from that he seems like a decent honest bloke. He clearly doesn't want to be with her but just ask him to be honest if she ever does try anything. He's done nothing to break your trust so go with it xx

It all boils down to trusting your boyfriend. It's hard to trust again once you've been cheated on but I would try and take him at face value.