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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Strange emotions since getting engaged - advice?

5 replies

greenttealover · 29/01/2019 13:12

I got engaged last week and am thrilled. It was unexpected in timing even though I knew we would get engaged soon as we had discussed it.

However, here's what is making me feel odd:

  1. We both agreed our wedding would be in a few years time, 2-3, I want to save money for it as does he, but financially we have other commitments that we want to prioritise (building an extension on our house)

  2. I have always dreamed of a nice wedding and throughout our relationship we have discussed what we'd want and have agreed now. It would be smallish (30-40) and destination. We want to keep costs down and pay for as much of our guests stay as possible, but we want this type of wedding so are prepared to save. (the wedding would still be cheaper than a typical stately home type in UK - South)

People keep making comments about it being 2-3 years away, with the odd comment of 'better not have a baby before then'
I'm 24! I don't even know if I want children let alone any time soon. We are both as a couple on the same page with this. I would like the time to save and plan casually without getting worked up. We both work long days in 'professional' jobs. All our savings before engagement are in the house.

  1. the comments about babies in general, like 'be careful you dont get pregnant', 'are you pregnant?' etc.

  2. His parents didn't seem overjoyed. They didn't know he was planning it, only my parents did (he asked their permission). But with his sister they shared her engagement, wrote on social media, even though they hate the husband. (Genuinely hate, say awful things)
    I feel like less important and it's upset me. The only comment his mother really said was 'I'm going to be a pro at planning weddings now'. I don't want her involved at all, either does DP.

OP posts:
JSBF · 30/01/2019 19:24

Congratulations on the engagement!

I think people are very quick to give their opinions on things that don't concern them. As long as you and your partner are happy I would brush off comments form others.

As for your DP's parents, maybe they're upset they weren't involved (as they didn't know it was happening). They'll come round i'm sure.

Good luck with the wedding planning!

Clearthinking · 30/01/2019 19:32

Has the same thing. Ignore the are you pregnant ones. You will get that until you have one. Then when you do have one everyone will be saying wait till the second, when that doesn't happen, why wait what's the matter. But the wedding, please I'm talking from experience, don't give a tiny thought about the negative people (even if it's just all his fam) your parents did not dream and wait for your special day all their lives, and your dad giving you away, for some negative comments from miserable sods. Do not let anyone get in your head space, do exactly what you want and enjoy every single second, please. I'm thinking of running away and doing ours again for said reasons!

Clearthinking · 30/01/2019 19:33

Now get back to being over the moon to be engaged!

Becky9191 · 30/01/2019 19:43

Awww, thats terrible! People seem so quick to make judgements based on their own misinformed views.

Ignore the ney sayers, i've been engaged for for over 3 months and still haven't chosen my ring!

House renovations and timescales seem way more sensible, plus... why rush?!? Enjoy it and focus on yourself and what you can control :)

NameChangeNugget · 30/01/2019 19:44

Take no notice of what other people say.
What is important is how you feel about it. You sound sensible in prioritising your extension.
Good luck and congratulations

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