The journey after break-up

[louisejanep]

Hey ladies, I have recently split from an emotionally abusive relationship. The thread is below:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3460960-Horrendous-night-tonight?pg=10&order=

I would like this thread to be positive with lots of inspirational stories so that we can help one another through the dark times.
How long did it take you all to move on?
How did you move on?
What kept you going on a day to day basis?
What was the turning point, when you realised this was defitnley it?

I’ve had good and bad days. I had some fantastic news today, during the break up moving back in with parents and my whole life being turned upside down I kept focused by writing an application for my PhD. I went to the interview and felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown with everything going on but I plodded through thinking I can’t give up on something I want so badly. And today I got the letter to say I have been offered a PhD position to become Dr in Forensic Psychology. I really don’t know how I’ve managed to do it. I have been scared of the future but this has really opened up a door to a new beginning for me and DD and wanted to share this with somebody, so Thought I would share it with all you lovely ladies.
I would love to hear some positive stories.

It eventually gets better, without any sort of explanation; one day you just realise that you're no longer mad, hurt or bothered by the things that took so much of your energy and thoughts.
You will find yourself in a peaceful place and enjoying that feeling.

PositiveOutlooksBlog.com

Congratulations - doing a phd will be amazing. Its hard moving on i remember it well - bad days and ok days then good days. You suddenly realise the good days start to happen more often .. i hope you feel liberated and free now!
When my marriage ended when exh met someone else i didnt think i could ever, ever get over it. I’d met him at 17 married at 21 and was 35 at the time. Many years later i’m much much happier in a new relationship and have a DS. I’m glad we split, it was the making of me. Good luck to you

Wow congrats on the PhD offer... That is amazing. Something you couldn't have done with your OH.

I'm. At the very start of my journey. Oh is yest to leave our house. Will. Follow this.... Am going to try to process it all as positive as possible. Like you have to coparent with OH so positivity is so importsnt

Xx

The best advice I could give you is a saying my mum said to me, ‘give time,time’. Time helps. It’s the little things I appreciate now, not dreading walking in the door. No longer hiding around the house to avoid him. I live a life of peace and it’s wonderful. I enjoy inviting my friends over or heading out whenever I please. Say yes to as many offers of time with other people, friends family etc

OP amazing news on the PhD - it’ll be something you can focus on when you find yourself daydreaming about your ex.

My advice to you would be throw yourself into anything and everything. Get distracted and then when you have a spare 5 minutes distract yourself some more. I kept splitting up with the same horrible man over and over and I would spend so many hours navel gazing, reliving the past and wondering why and it did me no good whatsoever.

This time I had his baby and he left, that was my turning point. I always suspected he was a sociopathic monster but after what he did to my DD I knew for sure and the knowledge was power. I switched off all control he had over me and threw myself into being a new mum, learnt French, started going to art (I’m horrendous but I’m still trying), I see friends every single day and always ensure I get fresh air as much as possible to clear my mind.

Going NC has also been key for me. I used to stalk his SM, play out songs, watch our past videos and photos but I deleted the lot. After splitting up with him I learnt some really unsavoury things, things I always suspected him of, and indeed accused him of but he convinced me I was a nutter. This renders all of the memories a lie. It seems he was never happy and was always sneaking behind my back with someone.

I am fully over the relationship now. I bare scars from the abuse he subjected me to but not even a shred of me loves him, the man I loved never actually existed, he’s just a character.

@didsomeonesaybunny your quote: "I bare scars from the abuse he subjected me to but not even a shred of me loves him, the man I loved never actually existed, he’s just a character" is so powerful. I have never heard anybody talk about someone never existing. That really helps to put things into perspective for me, i bet that helped to reinforce everything for you.

My ex has now gone very quiet, slightly worrying as wondering what his motives are, even though I should be relieved he's gone quiet.

@lozzerbmc I'm really glad that you are happy now, did it take you long to move on? You were together a very long time, that's something I worry about, because weve been together my whole adult life (18-28) and he made all the decisions, I feel out of my depth at times. I do feel liberated at the same time, but anxious about things, such as moving out of parents into my own place, even though I crave my own space with DD.

@greenmum2019 hoping this thread will help you listening to everybody's advice. When is he due to move out?

@sunnydays78 Thank you for the positivity, I can't wait to get to the position where you are. The saying about time is very helpful, I get impatient at times but I know that I've just got to go with it, and trust that I will be fully healed in time.

@louisejanep

He is refusing to talk abiut practical stuff. We are manoeuvring around each other a the mo. I feel my guard is up strong, have written a plan which involves him moving out after Easter as financiers should Improve then.

Realistically that might not work... Pffff