Divorce Contact Issues

[CF43]

Hi, Yes me again,

I am so useless at this. I am never getting involved with another man again, mindless sex maybe in the future but never ever getting married again.

Yesterday I started a thread about contact, me and my ex have a contact arrangement meeting this thursday but I have cancelled it and moved to feb now as we can't agree on anything.

I want him to be reasonable, he sees me as a money grabing cow. He announced tonight that he wants our son to attend his dad's 80th Birthday party near to his parents 200 miles away. I don't want him to have our son overnight at the moment as he is still young and this is a big distance, so I have said he can take him to his mum's and as I have work till 11am on saturday I will follow. After the party/dinner event which I am not invited to, my ex will bring him back to my mum's which is not far from his as they both live in the same county.

Do you think I am being funny about this, should I have just said yes go on then take him for the weekend.
My problem or concern is once he starts having him overnight stays I can't then say he can't have him again. I's sorry to keep going on about this it's just it really makes me want to scream because he hasn't done anything with him till now. I know I will have to give in eventually and let me stay overnight but can't things be taken at a slow pace so everyone can get used to things.

Tell me what you think please, going mad here.

Has anyone else been in this situation and come out the other side.

I have asked him and he's happy to do things slowly to get used to seeing his dad more. He (my son) has said he would eventually like to stay overnight with his dad as this would be fun.

However he has said in counselling that he doesn't know how to behave around his dad and feels nervous and frightened which is why I want the contact to be gradual, it's not a outright no he's not having him. It's a slow and gradual process to make it right for everyone.

How long away is the party is there a way to build up.

My brothers wife left suddenly in October taking his child with her and limiting contact to 2 hours a week In a contact center after lying to judges solicitors, CAFCASS you name it to stop any i ndependant relationship forming. She calls the shots we have to beg for contact she humiliates him and us because she believes as the Mother she is the only one who knows best. The child has the rights not the parent and I am sick of listening to embittered women who use contact as a weapon. Of course he should stay over with his dad regardless of what you think of him. One of these days all the women who bang o about equal rights will get a slap I the face when the family courts begin to change and evolve to see both parents as equals not just mothers. Before anyone butts in I am a mother and I am divorced and my child has stayed over with his father very regularly and on request for 11 years and he has benefitted from it

Sorry OP but this is wrong.

This isn’t a child who doesn’t have a father and needs to build up a relationship with him, this is a child whose father has always been in the picture albeit he may have been away for work etc. There is no need for a slow approach here, none at all, and no justification whatsoever for what you’re doing here.

You don’t get to call the shots and ask the child whether he wants to stay with daddy overnight. Of course he’s going to say it would be fun because you’re not painting daddy as his father. If you ask him if he’d like you to be back together he would almost certainly say yes. Would you stay because that’s what your ds wants? No of course you wouldn’t.

And saying he’s uncomfortable? Really? At seven? Sorry but I don’t believe this, or if it happened then you’ve put the idea in his head.

If you went to court OP your ex would get overnights with immediate effect. You need to bite the bullet here and accept that none of this is about you, it’s about your child’s right to an equal relationship with both of his parents.

Millions of children have to go through this and they cope. Your child is no different.

And the more you mollycoddle him at this stage the less likely he is to want to stay in the future. You need to take a harder line approach here and agree to overnights with immediate effect.

The risk you run is that your child will grow up and grow to resent you for limiting his relationship with his father.

Stop using your child as a weapon against your ex OP. It's very nasty.

OP, you have stated before you don't want the father to have overnights and you have said on this thread that you don't want to set precedents. There is a lot of dissembling in your posts in many ways. I am not sure what you want to get out of any this.

A 7 year old child is in counselling and it seems to be that is down to how his parents behave and live. You both need to get a grip and stop this nonsense. I really feel sorry for this child stuck in the middle of this for years.

Well said diamonds!!

I agree with most posters here OP. Will your ex keep him safe? Yes by the sound of it. Is your son special needs? If not, then he will do well despite some initial fears and will enjoy spending time with his dad and grandparents. He doesn't need to gently eased into this, its only a night away. Stop trying to coddle him and let him spend the night away.

Whilst your ex isn’t going to win any parent of the year awards he appears to be adequate for contacts

it’s really clear that you are in fear and panic about losing some control to your ex regarding your son and it is sad that your son is in the middle of this

With you all living in the same house and clearly a lot of animosity surely it would be nothing but a good thing for your son and father to spend time away at an event with none of these issues present. How will they ever have a relationship otherwise?

I cannot imagine that your son doesn’t pick up on how you are feeling and is going to start feeling like he has to choose you to make you happy. And that’s not right