Why aren’t I happy?

[Crapsicles]

Been with DP for almost 10 years. 2 kids. We’re finally engaged and have the wedding booked for next summer. Great. Is it though?
I feel like I’ve got ants in my pants. I still love a little flirt/ego boost and find my eye wandering a little too far at times.
Me and DP haven’t had the easiest relationship. He’s given me lots of reasons not to trust him over the years(I’m already losing sleep over his stag do!!)
We have a nice home, we still laugh together, sex is good and often.
My friends and I were out at the weekend and wegot chatting to a group of men. We had a good crack with them. One was flirting wildly with me. It felt nice(especially as he was much younger than me and very attractive). He found me on sovial media and has been messaging me. Pretty innocent, but I’m enjoying the attention, that I probably don’t get off DP.
Should I be getting married if I’m feeling like this?? Feel like I’m about to have some sort of midlife crisis!!

Why would you be happy with a man that clearly disrespects you, acts like a pig and there is no trust, Jesus, marry that, no thanks, you're not exactly trustworthy yourself either, not a good idea to get married.

To be fair, this is my first ‘indiscretion’ In our long relationship.

To be fair, this is my first ‘indiscretion’ In our long relationship.

Good for you, but you need to ask yourself why, after being faithful for a long time, are you feeling the need to behave in this way.

Also, the fact you're so worried about the stag do, speaks volumes. You should not feel like this, it really is not normal in a good, loving relationship.

How do i leave? I just got in and got the narcissistic ‘I’ve done this that and the other, praise me now!’ Fuck this. I’m so fed up of this shit. Never notices the 1000s of things I do for everyone, but wants his dick sucking because he put the dirty dishes in the sink(not the actual dishwasher!!) really?! I don’t think so

What's the housing situation?

Bin him. Be happy.

Our own home. Just him that owns it. I’m definitely financially dependent on him. I’m a SAHM

Miserable with him. Miserable without him. Catch 22

Can you go back to work?

Ugh his habits sound gross. My husband does a bunch of those things too and it’s a massive turn off. I haven’t succeeded getting him to stop it either . If u find the secret let me know :(
Also get itchy feet so totally feel your pain... and yes it’s a slippery slope so don’t go down it if u can!!!

The writing is on the wall here. Things won't get better, just more complicated, resentment will build, you are not suited to marriage so don't do it.
Whether you should continue with your relationship is debateable. Some couples/parents work far, far better by staying single.

Sorry to say this but the habits you mentioned that annoy you ring true of most men. My partner picks his nose, puts his hands down his pants, leaves his dirty washing on the floor occasionally but guess what? I love him and therefore I can look past these things. There’s probably stuff about you that annoys your partner as well- no one is perfect and we all have our faults.

It simply sounds like you just don’t like your partner anymore. The fact that you’re now messaging some other bloke clearly shows that there is no trust or respect in your relationship so my advice would be to end it as soon as possible before you end up cheating and things get really messy.

You should have said before you moved in with him about the toilet rules etc
Or refused to sleep with him if he didn't respect your wishes for general hygiene.
Apparently if you don't tell them early on they keep doing it.

I once dated someone that accidently went to toilet on floor a little.
Why should I feel paranoid that a guy is gonna wreck my bathroom.
It wasn't much but I couldn't see it working long term.
I think not having sisters doesn't help.
But no excuse really.
The mother's should toilet train even more so if they have only sons.

Also some men just smell in general.
Ewww can't they shower more if they sweat a lot.

And no there must be men that don't do gross things.
Maybe I need an OCD kind that washes their hands often and would rarely stick hands down trousers.
Not all men are yuck right..

Not all men are yuck right.

Not all men are gross, the vast majority are.

Im the least gross one I've ever known.

Don’t get me started on hand-washing

You're in a really vulnerable position as an unmarried sahm. You really need to go back to work. If you've paid into the house, you really need to have that acknowledged legally.

Ffs don't leave until you've got the finances sorted

Get your name on the deeds or rent account and find work

Squirrel money away for the future

Do NOT have an affair

I would put the wedding to one side - what's the point of marrying a man you find disgusting

He sounds horrible. Your flirtation is a symptom of a greater problem, your relationship.

Call off the wedding and be straight with him and say it’s crunch time, things change or it’s over.

Some relationships don’t last, burying your head in the sand, handwringing etc only prolongs things. Challenging an unsatisfactory situation is always difficult but accepting shit is how you got here.

I haven’t paid a penny into the house. I’ve literally just been mum... I’ve got a part time job but it’s pennies

Ok so he earns a decent wage then?
How bout a rushed marriage next month then divorce end of yr..

I don’t think I could do that. I couldn’t trick him

Then you need to retrain or look for a better job.