I've got to call it a day now - haven't I?

[Tuesday4]

Seeing a guy, been on about 4 dates but padded out over speaking to each other for over a month but he works away.

Last relationship was an abusive one where the early days was a lot of game playing which only got worse. This guy wasn't like that, it was refreshing. No love bombing, no being too forward, just generally having a nice time. He prioritises spending his spare time with me. He's been to my house to spend evenings with me, but didn't try anything whatsoever (a rarity in my experience). His actions all seem to show a really decent guy who isn't going to rush me into anything or mess me about.

Thing is, curiosity got the better of me and I noticed a few times his tinder location updating. But obviously we hadn't discussed this so I let it go. It kept eating away at me as it's what my ex did and I realised although it's the OLD way, maybe it's not really for me. So I took the mature approach and told him I wasn't looking to discuss 'us' yet but I did want to know where he was at because I didn't want to be messed around. I said that I wasn't speaking to anyone else and while I understand if he currently is that way of dating isn't for me and I don't want to be in that place if he's in a totally different one. He said I'm the only person he's been speaking to or met up with and that I really didn't need to worry about that. Great, right?

Except his location has changed again

So now I have to call it off don't I? I'm trying to make excuses for him because everything else seems to add up to being a good guy who likes me, and before still using apps was acceptable when we hadn't had that chat. But now he's lied? I can't excuse that can I

Apps use your location constantly in the background, you don't need to log in. So it is totally possible that he hasn't logged in but that the app keeps updating so it is constantly offering more matches?
He might not want to delete his account straight away but might not be using it?

If he has location services on it will just keep updating whether he is on the app or not, so absolutely nothing to say he lied.

Why are you still on the app though? It's a bit of a double standard you are applying!

Maybe he’s checking your location status?

I think you may be seeing demons where there are none..,

Blimey - 4 dates.
Please chill out about all of this.
If you like him and you get on then just enjoy it for what it is.
Dating.
He could be checking up on you.
He could just be having a laugh with his friends looking at the women on Tinder.
He could have location services on.
If you are this paranoid this soon, then you probably aren't ready for any of this.

@surfingtheweb Tinder doesn’t have permission to access location in the background, so your location cannot change unless you go onto the app. I don’t really expect him to have deleted it fully I just didn’t really expect him to still be using it.

@Brusselpout I’m not using it, we only had the conversation yesterday and I went on to disable it this morning and then his profile was up and I saw it had changed.

@HarrietOh If he’s checking mine then it wouldn’t work because he’s gone on from a different location so it would change for him anyway despite whether I’d moved or not!

I get what people are saying. Just for me personally, I don’t want to start developing feelings for someone and getting used to having them around and have them coming to my home if they are still looking to meet people and speak to people online. I certainly don’t want to be sleeping with someone who is, and he has said that maybe next time he comes over he could stay the night, and it’s not really a discussion I want to be having at that point! (Sorry if that’s a drip feed, I’d only just woken up this morning and didn’t really think about it).

I’ve tried speaking to other people myself when I first noticed so as not to get too invested but once Im starting to like someone I just struggle to multitask as I have no interest and can’t really be fussed to hold a conversation. I can’t help it. That may mean online dating isn't for me but it's a bit late for that now! I know not everyone shares my views, and that’s why I decided it would be best to say something yesterday. Had he said actually, I do still want to speak to other people etc then I wouldn’t have thought any less of him, but I may have backed off a bit. He didn’t though, he said the opposite, and thats where my issue is.

@Tuesday4 ah I didn't realise that. He could just like swiping through it? I totally get what you are saying, I think though that this is a part of tinder / dating apps / online dating behaviour. Things were a lot easier before OLD.

EVERY guy does this, it's horrible but until you are official he has fair game to do what he wants, and why shouldn't he have his options open? You are only 4 dates in!!! That is nothing! If you know how OLD works, people can flake out after a while anyway, so why would he shut down his whole account and not use it.

I know it sucks, I hate it too, but it's the way it is. If you end it with this guy, you'll only deal with another guy who says "I'm only talking to you" when they're constantly on the app swiping and chatting away. There is no way to be sure, dating is all about putting a little bit of trust out there and seeing what happens.

At the end of the day YOU should not be giving up all your options and only talking to him. I know that's what us girls do, but it's sooo wrong and only ends up in you getting hurt.