so full of doubts and the rows just keep coming

[romanticaroma]

New to mumsnet so please be patient...we're 10 years married with 2 kids. Suffer from a debilitating health condition so can't work. Husband lives and works on his estate 50 miles away and comes back to family home in city 3 times a week. Everything is in his name as he inherited it all. We have so many rows and I feel so trapped because I have nothing - if I leave him I have no way of supporting myself and would be reliant on his money, if I stay I have no choice in anything, if he doesn't like/want/agree/approve or if he just can't decide (even if I have my mind made up after researching something for 6 months) then he doesn't pay or sign the paperwork, simple as that. Last time we had a night out together was before Christmas, we are just always rowing, and that then means that I can't go ahead and book or plan any family things because he controls everything. So I'm totally at his mercy. I used to stand up for myself and argue back but I have been so unwell of late that I have just run out of energy. I feel bullied, controlled, unappreciated. I don't want to split up the family because I am scared of the kids losing their way, but I really can't see a way through. Thoughts please.

Can you claim
Any disability allowance? That would at least start to give you some mo way of your own.

Can you go to your GP and access counselling? Perhaps the strength from that would help you see what you want to do?

If you decide to, I’m sure women’s aid are a wealth of support and knowledge about what options you have.

Do you have any RL support?

Tell him how you feel and ask him to go to counselling with you. If he won't you should see a solicitor. It's not good for your DCs to grow up in a toxic atmosphere.

What’s RL? If it’s relatives the answer is no. I can’t claim disability allowance as my condition is not classified as a disability. Counselling might give me strength, yes, but the EGO will continue to think that the problem is me and that it’s all my fault!

NEVER have joint counselling with an abuser.
Counselling for you would be good.
You are married now for 10 years.
Half of ALL assets are yours.
That's savings, properties, cars, pensions, everything.
So please don't assume you can't leave because you wouldn't have anything.
He would also need to pay you maintenance for the DC and maybe spousal if you are unable to work.
Please talk to Womens Aid and Rights of Women and see where you would stand if you were to separate.
You don't deserve this and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
Arm yourself with info then tackle it.

You would get quite a lot if you split if it's owned by him and not his family . Yes also have to pay maintenance. Speak to a solicitor and find out what you would get. Also look at entitled to as you would get benefits too.