Need advice - I wonder if it’s over

[Mojo42]

New to this so not up to date with abbreviations etc

So I was single for many years then met a man, everything was wonderful, we would go out/meet a few times a week.

Over a period of a couple months he said I had changed (I can’t see how) and would have these bouts of ignoring me. He would say he had to sort his head but then everything would be fine.

I’ve tried giving space, being understanding and always being there to listen. When he finally opens up its normally my fault that something has happened.

I’ve fallen madly in love with this man but recently he has been distant and doesn’t pay me any attention (he isn’t cheating before you ask) and I’m worried he drinks himself stupid to block out precious experiences.

So don’t really know what my next move should be!

Sorry I think you need to cut your losses and move on. He wasn't your happy ever after. But don't worry, you will find someone who is (later on when you've had time to heal...)

He's playing hot and cold. It's not you, it's him.

Your best move is to cut your losses and end it.

Sounds like a textbook case of an emotionally unavailable man. Move on - you want an emotionally stable and open man. Not him. He's starting to show you who he is.

He doesn’t sound much of a catch tbh. You deserve better.

Google "intermittent reinforcement". It's shitty, a form of emotional abuse and frequently found amongst narcissists.

A person who cares about you is consistent in their affection and friendship. Someone dropping in and out of your life, on and off, hot and cold is not someone who cares about you.

Don't you think you deserve a bit more than to be used like a television set for entertainment when it suits him?

He is a lovely guy but just has these bouts, his last relationship messed him up and I swear he thinks I’m going to do/be the same.

It’s as if a switch get flips and he goes from amazing to silent in seconds.

I guess I need to find strength and do the right thing.

I hate the "I've been hurt before" excuse for being a twat in relationships. If someone is that fucked up by their previous relationships that they cannot treat a new person properly, then they shouldn't be dating, they should be in therapy.

But truth be told, it's usually just an excuse to raise sympathy and lower your expectations of decent behaviour. Don't fall for it. Having terrible exes is often a red flag. Blaming other women for his behaviour is a red flag and swiftly becomes you, as it already has done.

Run far, run free.

My ex used his last relationship as an excuse for poor behaviour while with me.
Our relationship lasted longer and somehow his behaviour only got worse.
He started off as a dream partner, then began to blow hot and cold. Four years of psychological abuse came after that. Don't be me! Understand this is a common softening up technique used by these abusive types to keep you keen.