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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Jaded and negative

10 replies

toffeeapple123 · 27/01/2019 16:44

I have become so bitter, jaded and pessimistic about men and relationships. I was never like this before. It's only having come out of an abusive relationship and a history of dead relationships where I never felt any spark, chemistry or love. I'm 35 this year. My whole world view has changed. I don't think I'm ever going to meet him. Help?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/01/2019 16:55

Please enroll yourself onto the Freedom programme run by Women’s aid as this could help you further. I would also suggest you get some counselling for your own self to unlearn all the rubbish and other crap you learnt about relationships along the way.

Love your own self for a change and invest in you now rather than another man for the foreseeable future.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 27/01/2019 17:21

Thank you AttilaTheMeerkat all great advice.

FYI I have been seeing a therapist and have read countless books on abuse - I'm pretty clued up and won't ever let myself get into a situation like that again.

Previously, I was never short of offers, plenty of good guys but I never fancied them. Only really fancied 2-3 men my entire life. They turned out to be arseholes anyway so glad it didn't work out.

It just seems there are so few decent, good men who I fancy.

Why is there such a shortage?

Now I'm approaching middle age, I just seem to think it's game over.

I'm so bitter, so jaded. It's awful. I used to be so carefree, confident and happy.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 27/01/2019 17:25

Why is there such a shortage?

becuase they are already taken.

NotTheFordType · 27/01/2019 17:27

It's awful. I used to be so carefree, confident and happy.

Whats changed?

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 27/01/2019 17:38

NotTheFordType I felt that even a few years ago, when I really had the pick of any man. The shortage has always been there for me - even before they were taken.

What's changed? I'm getting older. And my last relationship.

OP posts:
Amazonfromkent · 28/01/2019 06:48

Joining in. Disillusioned at 45 and really starting to think, well, that's it! Game over. In the same boat, just don't fancy most men and magically drawn to broken or horrible blokes who treat me like shit.

Dunin · 28/01/2019 07:09

Yep. Disillusioned here too :(

Whothere · 28/01/2019 07:22

I’m the same plus cynical as well to the extent that if I hear that a couple is happy I don’t believe it.

GloomyMonday · 28/01/2019 07:32

Me too. All of the women I know who have been through divorce or difficult separations feel the same, so I don't think it's unusual. I do think that we have to keep the cynicism well hidden if we don't want to be the miserable whinyarse that everyone avoids.

Whothere · 28/01/2019 08:00

Yes I was going to say that. I try not to show my cynicism or make little digs like, it’ll never last. I just think it!

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