Worried about other people’s opinions ..

[WhydoIcarewhatothersthink]

Have NC for this thread.

Long story short .. my ex husband left me 10 months ago, divorce is now at final stages and I’ve bought him out the property, we had no children and both late 20’s. He has moved on and has a new girlfriend (who he met 6 weeks after leaving). I took time to heal, mourn the end of the marriage and taken things at a slower pace but have been dating someone for around 3 months. I like him, he likes me and I think we could potentially work long term...

One problem, we used to work together, we don’t anymore (He left a while ago, I still work there) BUT when we did work together a few people made comments about us flirting and it even went as far as a rumour being spread that we had kissed at a work event - completely untrue, we would speak in the office as we got on well but I NEVER cheated on my husband with him or anyone.

We have kept things very private (only told close friends and family who are all for it and really happy for both of us) but I hold back telling people due to my worries about what they will think and the comments I may face. I have met his 2 closest friends and their young children, he is going away with them next week for a few days (only in the UK) and today has asked me if I’d like to go with them. I get on well with the friends and I want to go but my anxiety is worrying that people could see us and then everyone will talk and everyone will assume he was the reason my marriage ended.

How the hell can I get past this? It’s ridiculous that I’m letting people’s potential gossip and thoughts get in the way of something which has the potential to be a good thing. Driving myself a little crazy!

Just do it. People will talk regardless as you know. I had to take a huge leap of faith to enter into my current relationship, and I regret nothing at all. I'm the happiest I have ever been, DP too. If it's worth it to you then everybody else's opinion can swivel. Especially those of the office gossips!

Not to make light of your situation OP but if you stop doing things just because of what people might say then you will never do anything again. Haters gonna hate. If you like this guy and he likes you then you need to just forget what people may or may not think about it and give yourself a chance to see where this relationship goes.

After my ex left me I started dating a guy we had known for years a few months later. Some people commented and speculated on it. Most people didn't give a shite. As the old saying goes, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Been married for nearly 5 years now.

Do what makes you happy xx

Oh go for it ❤️

What other people think is none of your business and doesn't matter one little bit. Do what makes you happy and ignore.

This can be people's biggest mistake in life worrying about what others think. Live your life your not being true to yourself if you let someone else's opinion effect how you live.
Try and break down the exact worry, and what it is. Is that someone will say oh I thought you fancied him? What would that matter, be happy and it sounds like he is worth taking a few jibes for.

Honestly thank you all SO much, I’d give anyone else the same advice you’re all giving .. just need to give myself it! Xx

This was me, too, until I realised that because I never deliberately set out to harm or hurt people, when I had these thoughts it was all right to repeat to myself "what anyone thinks about me is their problem, not mine".

If it does come up at work, put it on them - "Yes, I took your recommendation after he left, and he really is lovely".

So what if a few eyebrows are raised...and quite frankly I’d surprised if that even happened.

Sometimes love grows from friendship. Perfectly reasonable.

Go for it! What have you got to lose?!!!