Summary: been with H 23 years. 2 young adult DC. Naice life on the surface. Me - history of sexual abuse (uncle), low self esteem , never felt good enough. Problems in relationship as H cannot discuss feelings, is borderline controlling, has told me that I love him more than he loves me (51/49%). I Turned to drink and was abusive to H on two occasions (slapped his face). Made a fool of myself on countless others.
He left to peruse relationship with someone he wanted to fuck 22 years ago but couldn't because I was pregnant. But I was a nightmare and don't blame him for seeking fun/solace elsewhere.
Relationship with other woman didn't work out (she wasn't me apparently) so he asked to try again and I said yes, soooooo grateful he was coming back) . He said he would change and show me he loved me, would try harder etc. But nothing has changed... I stopped drinking to avoid conflict but he is the same....can barely talk to me but happy to spend the night fawning over attractive women.
I know we need to split permanently. The relationship is dragging me down. So why can't I Just split for good?