My marriage was/is rocky. DH is currently not here and hasn’t been for a few nights. I don’t think he is cheating and instead is either staying with family or friends. The background to DH not being here is his bloody mother and his inability to be truthful with me. For background DH also wasn’t here the first weekend in January as he lied to me about something so trivial that I think possibly another women might be involved as I cannot understand why he lied. He does has form for lying and it usually involves his mum, MIL. As far as I know there has never been anyone else. I did post here then looking for divorce experiences but didn’t get many replies.
I have always had a rocky relationship with brother in law to the point where I am actually scared of him; he is aggressive, drinks a lot, racist and thugish. I HATE his views and we have had discussions before which became heated and resulted in threatening behaviour. I have also seen him behave like this to his brother/ my DH. He has also punched my DH which was four years ago because I called him out on him being horrible about our DC. So since then we haven’t seen him and I’ve been really specific to MiL that I do not want my DC ever seeing him because of his agressive bullying behaviour. Just to add BIL and his wife refer to my DC as it and also tell anyone who listens that my Husband isn’t the child of FIL - this really isn’t the case. It’s awful. So ducking awful and I feel so fucking out of my depth that I just want to keep all of my in-laws at a distance. I would happily not see any of them again but obviously my husband likes seeing his mum and dad and wants me to be part of that. Also my DC ADORES MiL.
A couple of nights ago DC was looking at their baby photos on my phone. I had one of DC as a baby and BILs wife. I said it was DC’s cousins mummy and DC said yes I know I met her at the pub with MIL and uncle BIL; he bought me crisps.
I asked DC why they hadn’t told me they had gone to the pub and DC said MIL and DH told me not to! I didn’t probe anymore as DC looked uncomfortable like when they fib. I also didn’t want DC thinking they had done something wrong.
So not only has MIL ignored my one request not to ever see BIL but my husband also knew and didn’t tell me.
I just want to know if I am losing perspective as basically i think this is the end of my marriage. Over the years I feel that DH constantly puts his family before my feelings. This is just the latest thing in a long line. I’m so fed up of coming second best.
I so sad but also really angry that after all my effort to build a relationship with MIL, because it mattered to my DH, she completely disregarded my request that DC not see BIl. Which fucks me off. Also I hate DC who is in reception going to the pub and she knew this as well.
I’ve possibly over reacted as I have told DH and MIL that MIL will not be seeing DC again as she can’t be trusted. This is how I feel and she can fuck off. After I told her this she chose to send me a barrage of abbusive WhatsApp which just demonstrated exactly what she thinks of me, telling me I am a horrible wife and if I didn’t have DC it would be different for my DH etc etc.
It’s all a fucking mess. I don’t know where to bloody start.
Thanks for reading. I just feel lost. Also work is shit creating anxiety and I’ve inadvertently ducked off my sibling tonight as well. It’s all ducking awful.