Feeling ambivalent about a second child.

[Thistledew]

DS is two and a half. I'm feeling ambivalent about trying to conceive a second child and would appreciate some different perspectives.

Here are some of my thoughts.

Cons:

I don't feel desperately broody for a second child, but then I wasn't all that broody for DS yet from the moment he was born I have loved him more than I knew it was possible to love anyone.

DH and I are both only children and don't feel deprived as a result.

DS is wonderful, but is an intense child who requires a lot of attention and energy from us. I worry that he would suffer or feel pushed out by a baby.

I worry that if I had problems in the pregnancy or if DC2 had additional needs then DS would suffer in the long term.

Although I had a pretty easy pregnancy, I really noticed the toll that pregnancy and breastfeeding took on my body and I'm only just starting to feel able to work on being stronger and fitter again.

My career has suffered as a result of maternity leave and I'm only just getting it back on track.

Our house is quite small for two children- not impossibly so, but we would struggle a bit for space. There is no real prospect of us changing this in the short term without a major life upheaval.

Pros:

I can't help shaking a feeling of disappointment if I think of never having another child.

There are benefits to DS later in life from having a sibling.

Financially, it's not an issue.

I don't want to wait much longer if we are going to try as I'm now 39.

Apart from concluding that no one would ever have one child let alone two if you do so on the basis of a rational pros and cons list, what factors made you decide to have a second child?

It’s a really tricky one. I felt exactly like you about having a second baby. My DH was really keen and wanted to started trying when my DS was 2.5 and I felt exactly as you did but I was also terrified as I’d had a really traumatic birth. In the end I just couldn’t. We gave it another year and then I conceived and had DS2 5 weeks ago! I had a worse pregnancy this time around but the birth and after has been so much better and DS1 adores him. I also adore him and am happy, feel like our family is complete now. No one can make this decision for you but I think you are probably the sort of person who has accepted it in their head before it happens (I say this because that’s what I’m like and you sound like how I felt!) good luck whatever you decide!

I meant needs to accept in their head not has!