What do you do when you've had your heart broken?

[LadyandGent]

I don't have friends or family in this country so I'm sort of all alone here. I had a long Whatsapp call with my Dad about setting up internet banking - he's terrified that there won't be ways to bank apart from online and he doesn't know how to set it up. It kept me amused and I felt useful. It distracted me.
I don't work at the moment due to depression.
I'm struggling really.
Just wondering what the rest of you do? Don't advise me to eat icecream or such as I have an eating disorder.
You can advise wine, but I don't think that would help.
I'm asking for the self-talk you use etc., to get over someone?

Just be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to cry, and wallow, think back on good times and bad but not for too long. Plenty of self care, nice long baths with upbeat music no soppy smooth fm crap, walks to clear your head, get yourself out with friends. It's a journey alright, you'll get there 🍷

Sorry just realised you said no friends or family near you. In that case you have to be your own best friend for a while which is actually quite fun at times I never cancel on myself or worry about doing things everyone else likes 😁 and you have thousands of people on here who are here for a chat if you're ever feeling down and need distracting. Big hugs x

I always found it good to remind myself that what you miss about the person is not actually what they are now. If you went back to the relationship it would not be as it was at the beginning anyway it would be how horrible it was at the end. So it's best to look to the future. It just wasnt right for you. It hurts but its not the end if the world. It really isnt! You'll have other relationships in the future. And after time you wont understand why you were so upset about this one that wasnt right.
I did a lot of walking after my biggest breakup. I found that really helped me. Just random wandering looking at things, reminding myself that I was an individual having experiences that were uniquely mine. That I didnt need to be part of someone elses.
Helps to embrace any specific interest or passion that you have. I just used to go to the cinema all the time because I love films.

Wallow for a while but only for an hour at a time! Acceptance of the situation will help. Accept it didn't work, won't work so don't try and take them back/talk it over/sort it out. That's already been done.

Go forward one day at a time, every day is a gain, every day is progress towards building a new life for yourself. Do not contact the ex...you will just take steps backward, get upset again, have to start again.

Sleep well, eat well, don't overindulge in anything, pamper yourself...candles, long baths, new bedding, play music, dance, have the odd lie in, or watch a film in the afternoon to distract yourself. Buy a colouring book or puzzle book or jigsaw or a magazine you don't usually buy.

But also take long walks...there's nothing like it especially when the weather is good. People you meet on walks are often friendly, a smile can often cheer you up. Go somewhere you haven't been before, preferably somewhere away from traffic where there are trees and grass and water. Green surroundings are good for the soul.

Then plan. Plan your days...cinema, window shopping, go for a swim, a massage, a walk, go to the library, a drive or bus ride, look up groups you can join in the daytime or evenings, volunteer in some way [charity shop/hospice/kennels]...try and keep busy even if it's something small like clearing out your wardrobe or kitchen cupboards. You are making a fresh start...out with the old.

Then long term plans...a day out to a new town or village, a weekend away, buy a bicycle!, plan a holiday, a trip to the theatre, can you grow some veg/flowers in the summer? perhaps get a small pet?...anything nice in the future to look forward to.

Keep your life full of activity somehow but also times to relax. I'm getting over the loss of someone now...I've been going to the cinema a lot, some good films about, and I've found an new interest in English history after 'The Favourite' and 'Mary Queen of Scots'. I am off to bake some rock cakes now and catch a favourite tv show later. I have a book from the library I cant wait to start too...

You'll be fine, good luck.

Thank you all three for your generous and long messages. I will try tomorrow. Today, I'm not good.

I clean when I’m down in the dumps. Imagine the bottom of the oven tray is his face. Or something.

II deal with stuff by running and swimming. Nothing like an angry run.

You got netflix? Watch Gilmore girls?
Hope tomorrow is better for you x

Box sets. Gives your mind respite from the pain.
Keeping as busy as possible for distraction.
Remember that every time you sleep, your subconscious processes it all a little more, and you are a step closer to better.

Try doing something good for someone else. Maybe a charity, elderly neighbour, for example. ChNge your focus. It will help you feel a sense of achievement and self worth x

Do you have Netflix? I watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend when I split with XDP and it really cheered me up (title sounds bad but it’s v funny and has songs in it which even if you’re feeling crap, you can’t help but smile).

Could you join a running club or something - mine is £5 for the year and meets several times a week. I’ve only just started so very much walking with a little bit of running so far, but a lovely bunch of people and it means a little bit of fresh air and exercise a couple of times a week, when ordinarily I’d be stagnating at home.

Whatever you use to distract yourself, there’s always someone on here ready with a listening ear and a comfy shoulder to lean on.

Also The Good Place - lighthearted silly and an interesting premise. TV and cinema gets me through a lot of tough times

Its horrid isnt it, been there done that and all I can say is that I promise you it does get easier but time just seems to drag so much when your heart is smashed.

Have you thought about joining a 'Meet Up' group in your area? There are loads and loads around with all sorts of things to do?

A good cry does help, don't bottle it up, however, force yourself to get up and go outside for a walk, fresh air and getting out does help. I found writing things down also helped a lot, random thoughts and how you're feeling, letters to the person who broke your heart - you'll never send them but it helps to put it on paper. When you read through what you've written a few days/weeks/months later you can see how far you've come.

btw another good netflix binge watch is Schitts Creek - very funny and watchable.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Reading self help books really helped me.

For example:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Mass Market Paperback – 1 Jan 2005

Have a look on Amazon. There are loads.

Oh and physical exercise.

I think I need to gently kick myself up the ass.

I can't concentrate to read a book. The reason I'm not working is stress. Your brain ceases to function. I could be looking at Coronation Street and if someone asked me what happened. I just wouldn't know.
My head is completely away with the fairies.

Box Sets on Netflix or Amazon Prime,

Have a soaking bath with a book, crime thriller rather than a romance (I personally don't think I've spent long enough in there unless I top up hot water 3 times!)

Take up a craft hobby, keeps your hands busy - knitting or crochet are good, with the added advantage that most places have meet up groups to 'knit and natter'.

Binge on some MN classics threads.

Volunteer somewhere ( our county has a Young Carers group that provides an evening of fun twice a month for children who have a family member with Special Needs - some volunteer running the group, others volunteer as drivers, picking up the children and taking them to the group, then taking teen home afterwards)

Went through this 3 months ago, absolutely destroyed me.
But what everyone is saying is right, even though its hard to do.
DO NOT CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA opens up wounds.
exercise is brilliant, and prove to yourself that your better than you've ever thought that you are, Heartbreak brings out the best change in you that you will ever see . grit your teeth and make you yourself do positive things. its the only way to move forward and stop your thoughts hurting you.
My god I know its hard, but you will get there.

I'll be fine I'm sure. Thanks for your messages.