Will sex to soon ruin things ?

[dollshousing]

So been I touch with a guy for a couple of weeks, not a total stranger as have good friends in common and see each other quite regularly, so we have been on two dates so far and since things have been great, contact everyday (not smutty) just a morning have Good day message and a few message exchanges in evening. Always asks my plans, how my day was, remembers what I say or what shift I'm on etc.

So saw each other briefly yesterday and I gave him a life home and things got a little heavy with kidding etc and he asked me to go in, I really wanted to but circumstances meant I couldn't and he understood and we had already arranged to see each other tomorrow when I'm going to his for food etc.

Do now onto my issues I think sex is definitely on the cards tomorrow and I really want to though I'm worried that it will ruin things, you know sex to soon and make them wait etc. My friends say wait until 5 dates, 3 months etc where I am slightly more of the thinking it doesn't matter if you sleep with them on date one or 5 if they only wanted sex they just want sex.

Should I have some type of convo before so I can be sure where he's at?

Am I going to mess things up sleeping with him to early?

I don't believe in that sex too soon. I think you do it when it feels right for you both.

If you know he's not just going to use you.

If you want it and feel comfortable do it. 3 dates, 1 date, 5 dates.

No. It won't. If you want to do it. If not don't. Game playing by either of you is not a good idea.

Hey I'm with my DP, 2 kids 8 years and I slept with him on the first night

I met DH 16 years ago, 2 kids later. Had (very drunken) sex on the first night we met. Do what feels right.

Thanks for reply's, well turn of events today is total radio silence from him, not big deal I hear you all say but fact he has messaged me every day for last 3 weeks is not like him, I send a breezy morning message and have had no reply, so guessing fact I didn't go in with him last night was a big deal

I had sex with DH within 5 minutes of actually meeting. It had been a 6 year dry spell. We are solid! Sex is still good.

It would be odd if he wasn't contacting you because you didn't go in OP. Though if that is why he's an idiot and you've dodged a bullet!

I wouldn't. I have found that it always ruins things.

I know a friend that played the long game. Waited a year then got dumped anyway...

With dh 8 years (married 4) we got through cancer, becoming infertile, an injury which ruined a very successful sports career and I slept with him on date 2

Waiting isn't a game though. A year is such an extreme. Wait until you know he wants you more than sex. Describing that as a ''game'' or a long game is bizarre. Obviously anybody can get dumped at any point and I'd hate to feel ''locked in'' to a relationship as well.

I think they were still a virgin and obv had trust issues.
Me I'd wanna date someone a few months mainly because it takes time for me to feel comfortable and get to know people.

Well still no reply despite being online regularly though out the day, totally out of character

Though I am surprised seeing as he's good friends with one of my best friends (through a hobby) they see each other at least once a week I would of thought he would of behaved slightly better

That’s really rubbish and a bit odd considering how long he’s messaged you. Maybe he feels embarrassed about asking you in and you couldn’t

I think he’s more than likely massaging his bruised ego.

There really was nothing to be embarrassed about, we kissed, got little steamy he asked, I said I couldn't he was fine and understood as I had to get back to my child, said see you Sunday etc.

Few messages exchanged last night he said he wished I could of stayed and we said goodnight etc ... all very normal and now nothing

Sounds like you might have dodged a bullet! In my longest relationship, we had sex within hours of meeting but in most other situations it hasn’t ended well for me.

Wow just think yourself lucky that you didn't go through with it and then have this the following day. He is showing you exactly who he is and clearly he is disrespectful, and seemingly all about sex.

Personally if you're wanting a relationship I would not agree to going over to someone's house for a date or inviting them to yours in the early days. From my experience of being messed around for nearly 6 months by a guy who in the end only told me he wanted casual.

Whilst there are occasions where you can meet someone and have sex immediately and it all works out fine. More often than not, after time passes you see that persons true colours - like today - and you have to just be relieved you waited.

Did he get in touch?

RealEyes yes I just posted about it, he said his daughter got upset attached is the post and what message said

You heard back from him op?

I've had a fair few sexual partners - some of them very long-term. I have been a sex and sexuality educator; I've held workshops about sex and have been in some pretty liberated situations. (This is all solely to give context.)

I have come to conclusion that it's worth waiting a bit before having sex. This is not game-playing; rather it is to establish whether there is a grounding beyond sex that is worth building on - because most of us will totally ignore all the practicalities of relationship when passion starts getting fired up. All reason, and all planning, go out the window.

Now, if you're fine with just the sex, then go for it. Enjoy it. But if you're wanting something longer term, then hold back a bit and see if there's anything there that is not sex first.

I used to listen to this kind of advice and snort with contempt. Now I see the wisdom in it. It doesn't always work, and it's not the only thing that works, but I've grown to appreciate a little more consideration when it comes to my choices of who I'll let in my bedroom, and who I won't; of who I'll let in my body, and who cares for nothing apart from getting inside my body.

I really like this advice. It’s something I’m definitely going to listen to.

I agree with you @afistfulofDolores1
No qualifications other than living and learning.