Am I expecting too much...?

[cupofjo]

Hi all, would love some advice on this please

I've been with my partner 5 years, have lived together 2 and a half years. We adore each other and have great fun together. Still young but turning 30 next year and starting to think about the future a bit more seriously. I'd like to get married soon i.e. by the end of next year. We don't want a big wedding, I don't even want an engagement ring, literally just want to go and get married ourselves. He agrees that this will happen eventually, but doesn't know when and is of the opinion that marriage is for 'older' people. That's fine and I know I can't rush him...however....about a month ago was the first proper conversation we had about this. I reasoned that if this wasn't going to cost any money, we wouldn't be buying a house for a few years etc, why not just get married. I asked him to think about it and the timeline and he agreed he would. This week I brought it up again, asked had he thought about it and he said no and laughed at me. If he had thought about it and actually decided no then I would accept that, but the fact he didn't even give it a second thought is what upsets me. I'm so angry and also just so upset.

In my anger and upset I've started to think harder about the relationship and realise that he just makes very little effort anymore when it comes to doing nice things together or romance. I plan everything and if I don't we'll just stay in all weekend. It upsets me that he hasn't given any thought to our future, even when asked, and realise that most of the way through our relationship it's been me doing the leg work on these things.

I know most women probably have similar issues with men and having to plan everything etc. Am I just expecting too much from him or should I start thinking hard about whether this is what I really want?

I think you need to do some very serious thinking before you waste any more time with this man. It's obvious you want very different things than he does.

I would start thinking further about whether this is what you really want because I think it is not.

When someone tells you who they are it would pay dividends to listen. He is telling you that marriage is for “older” people, he says no and laughs at you when you asked him further about marriage. You plan everything because he does not do anything.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Do you think you will get married by the end of next year, well it will not be to this person. You want this, he does not so there is no we.

Not all men at all are like this by any means.
Women have similar issues with men who are either unromantic at heart, put the pro in procrastinate and have commitment issues. He may well want to get married eventually but it won’t be to you. He is not wanting to give you that level of commitment.

What is the situation re property and finances?.

Do not sell yourself short here as you are doing. I would think long and hard about where this is actually going for you.