My parents.

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

I’ve been NC for 8 years. I moved house a year ago and my bloody uncle gave them my address. They sent cheques to my children ( small amounts considering they are well off). Previously they sent gift cards but this year it was cheques. So my mother, for the first time since I stopped ringing her ( she rang me once after that then stopped) sent me this email:

We have just got our statement from the bank and see that the boys have not cashed their birthday and Christmas cheques.
Is there any problem with them?

Mum.

This is a woman who sat and ate her dinner whilst my dad beat the shit out of me. Who got me to bury his gun once a month when he said he was going to shoot all of us. Who put me out before my 18th birthday and said I caused all the problems at home ( then did the same thing to my sister). Who drove me back to a boyfriends house after he smashed all my Christmas presents and pulled a chunk out of my hair saying I couldn’t live with them as I was too much trouble. Who told my father not to give me any money to go to university etc etc etc

I am so angry. And I can’t stop being angry. I feel like I am going to die of the rage I feel, that has nowhere to go.

If you are NC with your parents then the usual advice is not to engage if they contact you.

Have you had counselling to help you manage the (justified) rage?

Do not respond to this e-mail from your mother. Infact I would delete and ignore it. I would further block her from contacting you via email and any and all other methods. Do not give this email any further power, I urge you most strongly not to reply at all to it. What your mother wants from you is a response and that to such a disordered of thinking person is the reward. She knows she has you then.

Your uncle (is this her brother?) was the flying monkey and only acted in his best interests here and not yours. He should be ignored by you and you should not have anything to do with this flying monkey.

You are no contact with your mother for good reason; keep it that way. Again, I would urge you not to at all respond to her e-mail; that pandoras box needs to stay well and truly shut. No good at all will come of you responding to this from her. Its a set up.

Would suggest too that you read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward and have a look also at the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these Relationships pages.

You may also want to contact NAPAC (who are a charity working with and for survivors of childhood abuse).

napac.org.uk/

Thanks everyone.xxx

This is appalling. So sorry to hear it... yes you must ignore and block.

Your anger is justified. I am also a survivor and I would like you to know that I understand how awful this feels for you. The absolute raging, pitiless injustice of it is galling. It is terribly unfair that she sold you down the river over and over and over and you've suffered so much and she just gets to carry on like nothing ever happened. I am desperately sorry this happened to you and that you are still hurting.

I would delete the email, burn the cheques, run a bath, cry in said bath, and then have a glass of wine and watch a film and be very gentle with yourself for a few days.

Take very good care. These feelings are justified. And the good news is they are temporary. You'll feel better soon as long as you let the feelings happen and pass by. You don't need to react to them, or to her x