How to stop panicking about fertility

[User881919]

I’m 35 and been single for 6 months. I’m in a place to start dating again.

I wake up everyday feeling sick with dread that I have missed the chance to have a family. It’s affecting everything. I’d do anything to have been able to be a young mum and I sometimes think I am grieving this as well. That will never happen now, I won’t have the marriage in my twenties and a long marriage with someone. Has anyone dealt with this and picked themselves up?

Feel scared most of the time. When I date I can hide this and wouldn’t be with someone for the sake of it, but behind closed doors it is hard.

Donor is not an option for me. It’s about wanting a family and a husband is part of that.

(By the way, horse race meetings are incredibly sociable and a great place to meet men, so always worth a try).

Good tip, no pun intended.

I divorced at 35 met someone else and had first baby at 38. Egg freezing is a last resort option, expensive and success rate is v low

I met DH at 38, pregnant and had DS at 39, married at 40 and now ttc number 2 who if we’re very fortunate will happen when I’m 41.
Certainly not too late x

My DH works abroad sometimes it’s tough but he is great when here and earns exceptionally good money. I also had a good career until I retired early through ill health. But I suppose we all have our preferred tick lists.

Be careful getting in to desperate mode, DH sister was like this. All she could focus on was getting married and having a baby, it became an obsession. She scared off the boyfriends she had in her thirties. It was her only focus. So focus on yourself as a person, do things, go places but do it to enjoy them. She would start to ask about babies in week three of dating she had a chat to both myself and DH about it once.

I have had friends successfully meet nice men in their late thirties one had her first and only dc at 39 as she didn’t get PG a second time. Another had two at 38 and 40. When I think of them they certainly love life and did a lot of extra curricular stuff.

One woman I know married a guy who was a supplier she used to have to ring a couple of times a week at work. I was asked out on a date when just out doing my shopping one time. I have relocated twice in my life knowing no one. I always made it my mission to meet as many people as possible because I had to. I always think out of a hundred people there is a chance to meet one person who could become a decent friend. I suppose the same applies to dating.

Meeting friends and mates is a numbers game. Do things to boost your confidence first and foremost.

Adversecamber22, I agree with much you have said. DH also works abroad quite a lot, but he didn't when we married in our early 20s - sometimes you don't know how things will turn out.

Part of the reason I think some men in their late thirties / early 40s end up with women a decade younger is they have the luxury of time to explore the relationship. I have certainly come across colleagues with a tick list including salary, own home, height, looks etc. It's pretty unattractive behaviour. Yet I've never heard a man say she should earn 70k, be a size 8 and own a flat in zone 2 - maybe some do!

I used to feel the same, 35 no kids or relationship.
Then on new Years Eve 2010 met my DP as we were leaving a pub. It was random, she was my mates cousin, I knew her in primary school. If she, or I, had left 3 second before we would not have met.
We got chatting, liked each other, met a few times etc, then moved in together... now 9 years later, we have a gorgeous 1 year old girl. I'm 43 now, we didn't try for a baby, we just stopped trying not to have a baby, it took a year for Dp's pill to wear off and then we got pregnant.
I had given up on a relationship and family, but shit happens!
My point is, that its never too late, sometimes serendipity, luck or the force can play a part. A guy at work, a guy at the gym or on a dating app, who knows, there's someone out there for everyone.

You aren’t owed a successful relationship, 2.4 kids etc. You need to work out your priorities and then prioritise them.

I got pregnant in an off relationship that ended in DV but I have DD and she’s frigging awesome. If I had waited for ‘Mr Right’ I would have missed out on the most valuable and rewarding relationship I’ve ever had. Being a single parent with zero financial and practical support has been challenging and sacrifices have been made but the positives have more than outweighed any negatives.

Don’t let the idea of ‘perfect’ get in the way of what’s really important and more importantly, attainable. Handwringing isn’t proactive.