SAHMs - how much does your partner do at home?

[bagsundereyes]

This is part rant, and part genuine enquiry. Since I've been on mat leave with dd (aged 3.5 months), DH has mysteriously lost the ability to undertake most simple tasks eg bring cups from bedroom to dishwasher, pick pants up off floor, never mind do laundry, cook etc.

I want to discuss this with him, as I'm a bit pissed off, but I'm not sure how much I feel it is reasonable for him to do. DD is not the easiest of babies, and does require lots of holding in the day. But on the other hand he works, and I do get free time when she's napping (2x 30 mins, 1x 1 hour daily). So I wondered, what does your partner do, and do you feel that's reasonable?

sorry but i would divorce some of these men am nobody's maid

dh does all sorts of housework / cooking and most certainly does not need to be asked.
he also makes a point of having time with dd both in and out of the house

but we are both quite relaxed and more than a little messy

Hippmummy, we have had many serious talks on this, believe me! Unfortunately, DH is now ill which makes it very difficult for me to raise the subject again or try to get him to change. It doesn't seem right to nag a seriously ill person about the housework. Having said that, I do feel very undervalued, unappreciated and taken for granted and I'm unhappy about the thought of this continuing for how ever many months or years DH is ill. Very tricky situation.

DP works a lot so isn't here to do much. He will do things if I ask eg run hoover round, get washing in, get up with dcs and let me have a very occasional lie-in!

One thing that really pees me off is when he leaves his dirty plate/ cup etc in the sink 'to soak' . And leaving dirty clothes lying around

He hasn't ever commented on the state of our house tho, although he doesn't say it I think he understands that the housework gets neglected when running aroud after 3 under 6. Not that its that bad

Hi, I'm not exactly a SAHM because I work from home two (short) days a week, but even when I was on extended maternity leave DH and I agreed (in theory!) that I was staying at home to look after DD, not do the housework.

Practice is a bit different - I probably do most household things during the week while DD is asleep, but DH does a lot with DD. He gets up with her every morning so I can have a shower, is home by 6ish every night to take over looking after her including bath, story and bedtime (even if he has to do more work from home after she is in bed)and washes up after dinner every night. At weekends we share childcare and any housework that need doing.

I do the laundry - but that means anything in the wash basket - anything else gets left. I am learning to ignore piles of clothes and papers on his side of the room. He tends to be better at a big tidy up at the weekend than picking up as he goes along.

The thing that works for us is doing a list of all the jobs that need doing and then splitting them up. DH is much better when he is completely responsible for something and I keep out of it (like bathtime). I do agree to doing more household tasks because I do have time during the day, but at least this way I know he knows I am doing it rather than feeling taken for granted.

We still bicker and row a bit, but its mainly when we are both tired and feeling unappreciated. It helps that I don't have terribly high standards, never iron anything if it can be avoided and do supermarket shops on line.

He does do some jobs in the house, mostly the 'outside jobs' :- mows garden, DIY, maintains our 2 old cars to keep them on road and does the shopping once a week so I can't moan.

I have done the housework, ironing and look after 5 yr old before he went to school. I work as a childminder and I do not do housework when other people's kids are here. (I am having a lunch break at the moment in case people are wondering why I'm on here!).

He has gone away for 2 or 3 weeks with our eldest on a walking holiday so its pretty quiet here today.

He's not particularly good with the youngest, never changed a nappy when youngest was a baby and I am the one taking youngest swimming and to footy training!!!! Something wrong there.

fuck all

so far, in the 10yrs we have lived in this house, he has.. built 2 extensions,plastered, rendered,dug footings,the lot. he has plumbed in 3 bathrooms, fitted electrics, tiled, fitted windows,built 2 fireplaces, fitted a kitchen,laid wood flooring,made interior doors...the list goes on and on. on top of all this, he mows the grass,fixes our 2 cars,paints the whole house exterior every year,built us a porch,cuts the hedges, and built the kids their own summer house in the garden, as well as working full time hours and attending college 1 day per week. however, he never picks up his socks or has never cleaned the loo,tidied up after himself(you know cups, newspapers,crisp packets etc)but hey! WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN!! WOW MY HUSBAND IS ACE!

DP washes up after dinner during the week and at the weekends he enjoys cooking meals.

He also cleans out the hamster at the weekend since I fell pregnant.

He bought the washing in for me last night whilst I was settling DS down for the night.
Sometimes he offers to do some ironing as well.

I dont ask him to help with household jobs as he works long hours. He seems to enjoy doing a small amount and also knows that he doesnt have to/isnt expected to do it.

When No.2 arrives I am not sure how things will be, although I expect him to carry on as he is. If, for some reason I am not home to cook tea then he would cover it for me.

With No.2 he/she might be a cuddly baby like ds was, I tended to take hikm around with me whilst i did tasks, had one of those carrier things. He used to love it when hanging washing out, think the flapping clothes in the wind interested him.

Nothing at all Monday to Friday (except putting the bins out because I am pg and they have to be lugged up several steps). He goes out to work at 6/7 am and is rarely back before 9pm (and often working abroad), so that is fine with me.

At the weekends he cooks in the evening for the 2 of us (ds eats earlier), will load and unload the dishwasher, gives the dog 2 really good walks each day (making up for the crap walks he gets from me in the week), does odd jobs that involve ladders or drilling (I don't do either), waters the plants, and usually takes ds food shopping at some point. If asked he will read ds a bedtime story at the weekends (but it never occurs to him to offer).

He won't change nappies, and he makes so much mess when he is here ('its not mess, its just stuff on the floor' arrrgghhhh). He would have no idea how to use the washing machine, tumble dryer, or iron, and quite possibly doesn't even know where they are.

muffin - dp works abroad too - he is off to Japan on Saturday. Going to miss him. When is your EDD, new years eve here.

i'm not allowed to answer threads like these anymore

causes too many arguments in our house

think that says it all really

awen - 9th Feb. Very early days still.

Big congratulations ds1 was a Feb baby. Wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy. xx

Thank you. You too (what a great due date).