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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should we break up

4 replies

Olidel · 25/01/2019 09:13

Ok so this is my first time asking anything on here and I don’t know any of the shortened down language like “DH” or “DP” but anyway here’s my problem.

I’m 22 weeks pregnant, I’m almost 22 and my boyfriend almost 21. We have been together for 2 and a half years. We have lived together for about 8 months and the pregnancy wasn’t planned.

We’re often on two different pages I’m very mature for my age and want to do things like buy a house and work a “proper” job and have savings etc. My boyfriend on the other hand is happy playing his PlayStation and spending spare money on take outs.

I don’t know if I’m 100% in love with him. I do love him but I don’t know if we suited forever. When I fell pregnant I wasnt happy. I’ve always been very maternal and love babies and look forward to having my own children but when I found out I was pregnant I cried hysterically and even now I struggle to feel truely excited or broody. I even wish I just wasn’t pregnant sometimes and then feel horribly guilty for having those thoughts. My boyfriend took the news of the pregnancy very well and he has been excited and supportive and I couldn’t fault him in that way at all.

Since I’ve been pregnant though we have had far more arguments. Biggget problem is he seems unable to hold a job down. He’s had 3 jobs now since I fell pregnant and he’s had problem or been unhappy in every one! I feel like he relies on me. We fight about the fact he can’t drive yet and again I am relied on, he has been learning to drive on and off but never sticks to it. I just get so frustrated and feel as if he is more of a child than a boyfriend to me!

He is not bad though like he wouldn’t cheat, he doesn’t degrade me, he isn’t violent, I do believe he does try.

I just don’t know what to do now because we are both unhappy and I do feel like if I wasn’t pregnant I would have left him. I don’t know if it would be better to break up now or to wait and see until after baby is born? I Don’t want to share baby or be left to do everything myself. I do have a very supportive family but I also feel like it should be us together raising the baby and if after a few months things are still rough between us we should break up then?

I just have no idea really. I don’t know if it’s just the stress of pregnancy or if it’s the fact we aren’t meant to be. Should we make the decision to split now? or wait until later - maybe things would get better I don’t know!

Also want to say we don’t argue every day some days good some days bad.

Sorry this post is so long and I hope it makes sense to everyone! Any questions or anything I’ve missed just ask. Thanks!

OP posts:
curiousierandcouriser · 25/01/2019 09:24

Honestly, babies add stress to relationships. If you are feeling like this now, its not going to get better - imagine dealing with this while sleep deprived and feeding a crying baby.

Just out of curiosity, how are you planning on supporting yourself (and him, and the baby) while on maternity? A baby needs a stable, loving environment.

You need to have a serious talk and tell him to either shape up or break up (and mean it).

Olidel · 25/01/2019 10:52

I’m hoping he will remain in work to support us when baby comes. He does normally have a job, longest period of him being unemployed was 3 weeks. My family support us though when we’re stuck but I hate having to get help from them. I’ve suggested we move in with one of my family members who has a lot of spare room when baby comes so money isn’t such a stress but he doesn’t want to. I don’t think he realises how expensive a baby will be and how crap my maternity pay will be!

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 26/01/2019 10:57

I agree a mature conversation is needed he needs to be working to support you financially properly. Moving in with someone would add to the stress i think. He needs to be fully on board with helping with baby - he can pack up his playstation! Good luck

littleV58 · 26/01/2019 18:46

@Olidel how did you feel before you fell pregnant? Pregnancy hormones are insane. I'm currently pregnant with my second and I am 99% sure my husband is doing our house up, to sell it and run off with my little boy 🙃.

We planned both of our children & with my first I often thought is this really what I want? Am
I ready for this? I had been self employed for 2 years and my business had really started to kick off and I was well known for what I did so I was very busy with clients.

Life throws things at us and we never know how to deal with them, even if we think the time is right. There's never a right time to have a baby in my opinion. You're 22, you're young enough to still be able to have a fantastic career, but you're own house and be a brilliant Mum.

Talk to your boyfriend seriously, tell him how you're feeling. Maybe break it down for him in terms of how much prams cost, milk costs if your formula feeding, bottles, nappies, dummies, how quick they grow out of clothes etc. I honestly think guys have no clue sometimes and just think 'it will be okay'

Sorry for the longest reply ever 💕

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