Comment to unemployed friend about money

[Totallyaddictedtobass]

Long time friend, she’s down about being in and out of work. Always goes for agency work, saying she’s not sure what she wants to do. This has gone on for 12 years since she finished masters degree. Even when she has notice of the agency work finishing it takes her ages to start thinking about applying for something else, so usually ends up signing on for a bit.

Anyway that’s the background. The other day she was miserable about signing on and was saying she will never earn a proper salary and she was fed up, said she’d never earn a huge salary like everyone else she knows.I was trying to re assure her and said something like one day when you’ve worked your way up a bit you’ll be there on 50k and you’ll think actually I still want more, nobody feels totally financially secure even if you think they do.

She said there was no way she’d ever earn 50k and her parents never earned that so how could she. This wasn’t said as a question, just a statement.

I don’t earn 50k but don’t think it’s a lot to necessarily aspire to and would consider that to be a next step. She doesn’t know what I earn.

She’s been funny about money comments since then, the political stuff about there being no jobs etc has got worse. Have I messsd up here and what can I do?

I'd find her really frustrating! There is nothing stopping her trying to find permanent employment and working her way up. Doesn't it bother her that she's not paying into a pension? Only she can control her life, if she prefers agency work and signing on then that's her prerogative but she shouldn't moan she wants more if she's not prepared to find it!

Just don't talk any money any more. Your clearly on different pages and I don't think you've done anything wrong.

I've been (am!) your friend and she's using political rants to cover up the fact she's feeling guilty/embarrassed about not trying hard enough to get a job that suits her intellect. Because she clearly isn't is she.

Sorry about the You're /your autocorrect!

I don't think you've said anything wrong.

She would do my head in. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wallow sometimes and needing a friendly pat on the back but she needs a kick up the backside. I would be harsher. I would tell her that no one is going to help her except her and that if she wants a career she is going to have to decide what she wants to do and start looking into how to do it.

So many people think that this magical career is just going to land on their lap.

It was the way she was almost horrified that anyone would earn more than 50k...i wouldn’t say this to her obviously but my real feeling on that is just...seriously?! Even if you never earn it, surely you know it’s not masses of money and that it’s not a dirty phrase to have financial aspirations.

She’s lived with family now for 8 years and saved nothing towards a house. I had some assistance so obviously I can’t compare too much, but in the 3 years I lived with family I managed to save 15k towards a house. I didn’t pay a penny towards rent with family, but then nor does she, and she’s not been on minimum wage, more like 16k.

It’s jist frustrating. I feel like she blames everyone else for the situation, especially the government. In doing so she almost puts down people who work hard as if it was all handed to them.

I can definitely say that it wasn’t and I’ve had to work really hard.

I don’t know whether to mention any of this to her or just let her carry on with the comments here and there.

It totally depends on the type of work she's likely to enter into. I will never reach 50k but have a good job working for the civil service and still have a very good life that is financially secure.
If she's still living at home then she could easily start at a lower grade administrative role (Again not sure what she is currently doing) and work her way up to something more.
I was only talking to my OH the other day about the stigma attached to working for MCDonalds when I was a teen but the reality is they have a good employee system!

God I wouldn't mention it. If she says something which offends you personally (by implying you haven't worked hard or whatever) you should tell her but otherwise I'd refuse to be drawn unless you actively like arguing with her.

I'm sure she's feeling terrible by the way, I've been there. But that doesn't mean it's not up to her to get on with things.

She may not reach 50k but she could find something more stable and then at least rent somewhere.

She’s got a decent education and just doesn’t seem to want to work the way up, so sticks with doing agency work.

Yeah maybe I need to be more understanding. It’s easy to forget what it is like to struggle to find work!

@Totallyaddictedtobass - Yep she could but she's choosing not to. I wouldn't even bother with conversations about her career or lack of, it's her decision.

You are both on totally different pages at the moment so I think you should steer clear of any money topics. For some people 50k is unthinkable for others it isn't. Dh earns that in euro but I'd never ever be able to even contemplate coming close. To be honest while you're trying to help you're bring a bit judgemental yourself-you're not in her headspace and so don't know how she justifies what she does/doesn't apply for, earn, save etc. Do the normal friend stuff and be there for her but you have to accept you've a different mindset to her and we're all different and that's fine!

12 years. Imagine if she’d had a bit of focus and stayed in one role. She could be area manager of a retail company, having started at stacking shelves. She needs a bit of coaching