"Do you have a problem with that?"

[Myotherhusbandisgaryoldman]

Would you automatically assume this as being quite shitty if you received this in a text from your OH?
He insists I've taken it the wrong way.
I don't think so

Context is important. It means the same as "is this okay with you?" Which sounds friendly and respectful. What's the context?

It’s hard to tell over text, I wouldn’t automatically assume it was meant to be sharp.

No I wouldn't automatically but it all depends on the context.

Were the texts heated, have you been arguing etc.

He got up late, very angry, crashing about and swearing. I made his tea and helped him get ready. Asked him later why he was so angry - normally keeps to himself and gets on with it.
His reply was "I got up late. Annoyed. Do you have a problem with that?"

He's taking his lateness out on you. Tell him you have a problem with his shitty attitude with you and if he's late again, don't bother to help.

He has form for being quite passive aggressive.
Totally denied he was being shitty. I knew he would anyway.

He's cross with himself and taking it out on you with his abruptness. Not fair. Let's hope it is a one off, if not you need to be a bit sharper with him.

Sounds passive aggressive which is a really horrible character trait to live with. Very difficult characters and from what I’ve read it’s very hard to handle someone like that. Don’t escalate by relying. Best to ignore, develop a thick shell and ignore until he’s over his mood

Don't understand why he can't admit it. It would be a lot easier to deal with if he just owned up to being shitty

He was being shitty alright.

My friend agrees. He's nearly 50 ffs

He won’t ever admit it because he’s passive aggressive. Best to educate yourself on what that means. Read up on it. It doesn’t make nice reading to be honest.

I will x

The phrase isn’t always rude or aggressive but clearly is in this case.

I would have replied with “the words you are looking for are thank you and sorry”.

Does he have disabilities?

Can I ask how you helped him get ready?!

Also things like tea go out the window if I'm late! So does a shower if I'm really late! Sounds like he prolonged his lateness by being annoyed which probably annoyed him even more!

If he's allowing his temper to make life uncomfortable for you, then probably you should have a problem with it.

“It doesn’t matter if you felt you weren’t being shitty or you didn’t mean to come across shitty, I am telling you that your resulting behaviour was shitty to me and I don’t appreciate it. Be annoyed at yourself for being late but don’t take it out on me, it’s not acceptable and makes you an unpleasant person to be around”.

He's being confrontational and aggressive

Yes it's shitty. In almost any context. It's the shitty version of "is that ok for you?"

He sounds horrible.

Another time just don't bother. Stay in bed and let him get on with it.

"Do you have a problem with that?" = "I'm definitely up for an argument about that if you object" when I use it (which is rarely, I'm not a total shit bag!)

He’s looking to provoke you with a passive aggressive argument. He wants you to be the bad guy. It makes him feel better and gives him an outlet for his anger/frustration. All the time you’re being nice to him (making tea) he can’t legitimately argue with you. So he’s sent that “do you have a problem” message to start something up. There’s really no way to win. There’s really no way to win with passive aggressives. It’s one of the worst character traits. Don’t reply. Or if you reply keep it bland like “ok”. Disengage and only talk about mundane things. You’ll find he’ll probably start sulking next. Then you’ll be provoked into asking “is something wrong” which is his cue to escalate and make it your fault. You’d best read up on how to handle this before he gets home from work although if it was me (and I’ve been there) it’s best to conjure up an excuse and disappear for the weekend and do a total disengagement. Go to parents/friends and don’t even be there when he gets home. He can’t push you into a row if you aren’t around.

well, the reply from you should be

yes I have a problem with that.
Not with you getting up late, that is up to you, but with you being like a bear with a sore head, and taking it out on me.
Perhaps next time you coud say
I was angry because I got up late, sorry for being in a foul mood.

I would not get drawn into a row about it though.