Right. Baby asleep now (hopefully she'll stay that way). This aituation sounds horrible for you. Has your DH put on a lot of weight suddenly, or has he just slowly got bigger? Do you think he is comfort eating? How does he react when you say something as direct as finding "on top" less comfortable these days?
I have a similar problem with my DH at the moment, in that I love him to bits, he is a good father, but has just put on a lot of weight slowly over the last three years. He was never what you could call slim, but now he really is overweight. It does bother me. Partly it's the superficial level of just not fancying him as much any more, but partly I find it hard to respect someone who shows so little respect for himself.
I have tried to encourage gently, by suggesting he join a gym (I go, he joined, and never went, even once); by telling him I wasn't going to buy any biscuits or sweets any more (like you, I do actually like to eat these things in moderation, but I've given up getting them as if DH finds a packet of sweets he'll eat the entire lot); by pointing out how much better he'd feel if he lost some weight. I reckon he could lose 3 stone, but I said maybe just a few pounds as didn't want to be any harsher than I had to.
He makes the right noises and then just carries on going out to lunch 3 times a week, lying about it to me so I give him an evening meal as well, and sneaking sweeties out of DS's sweetie box. It really pisses me off, as I try to stay looking nice for him, and although I'd LIKE to drink 3 glasses of wine and eat pudding every night, I don't, as if I did I'd be a lot bigger .
Not sure what to do now, as when I was more blunt and said look, I really want you to lose weight, he told me I was shallow and he wouldn't want to be with someone who felt like that. This makes me so sad, as actually, if the situation was reversed, I know I'd feel the same. But then, I'd also feel like maybe I should make an effort for my other half.
Do any of your DH's family or friends say anything to him about his weight? Do you think he's happy the size he is? I think the whole weight thing is a bit different for men, and in my DH's case I think he really thinks he;d like to be thinner but just can't be bothered to put in the work. At the end of the day, you've got to want to lose weight for yourself, and no amount of nagging is going to get you to do it. In fact, in my DH's case, it seems like the more I mention it, the more he eats.
Not sure what's going to happen as I can't imagine ever splitting up, but equally, a sexless marriage is pretty depressing .