Sorry for the slightly vague title to this thread, but let me start from the beginning.
I have been with DP for nearly 5 years and obviously neither of us is perfect but we have made each other very happy.
Before I was with DP I have a string of long term relationships that were total trash. I won’t get into details but one by one they chipped away at my self esteem and left me a mess. I ended up going to therapy and CBT massively helped.
I then met DP and everything was great (again, we have obviously had fights and disagreements but nothing ridiculous).
DP lost his job last year and quickly got a new one for about half the salary (putting him on minimum wage). By that time we had bought a house, got engaged and booked our wedding, so we knew there was going to be a lot of expense this year. I am in quite a high paying job, but it has been difficult for me to feel like I have been taking the vast majority of the financial strain, although I know it’s not his fault.
I think because I can’t exactly say “why can’t you just earn more” (because that’s a patently obvious statement that is very unfair). His self esteem took a huge hit from being sacked and although his current role pays peanuts he enjoys what he’s doing, likes the company and feels valued and respected by his boss and colleagues. I have been digging away at him about the fact that he openly admits he cannot sustain himself on his current salary and it’s been a very tense few months where we have genuinely struggled with how we are going to pay for this wedding and meet our outgoings. Also we aren’t planning some crazy wedding but we had already booked a venue for 80-100 people and so are tied to it otherwise we lose all the money we’ve already put in.
Things have been very tense. Since xmas about once a week I’ve felt my old feelings of paranoia and low self esteem creep back, which I haven’t felt since before DP and I got together. I convince myself I am not good enough, I nag too much, I’m not understanding, and that he will leave me.
DP is not the sort to talk about his feelings. He’s the sort to shut himself away for an evening to cool off and then be fine the next day. This does not help the paranoia.
I just don’t know what to do, or if there is even anything TO do. We are stressed and anxious due to money. We have this wedding to pay for that we planned when we were like £20,000 a year better off. Is the answer to just keep ploughing on?