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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner smokes weed

17 replies

Nat8334 · 24/01/2019 14:56

My partner smokes cannabis, everyday, i knew that he smoked cannabis when i met him but i didn't relise how much nor did i relise the withdrawl symtoms when he don't have any he is snapy, agressive (not pysically) and agitated,he can be so hard to live with, anything i say about it, he says i'm trying to control him that i want to change him he smoked it when i met him so i always knew, which is true but i didn't relise how bad the mood sings are, he's not lazy he goes to work everyday but he finds it hard to hold a job, he jumps from job to job and it can be so stressful, he helps with the bills and always trys to push me to be better, but the anger issues have taking its toll on me, when we argue he says nasty things to me like im a waste of space, i'm fat and ugly, i have two kids from a past relationship that love him and i love his kids he also has from a past relationship, i find i have become very defensive in how i speak now, which he tells me, he talks to me the way he does because how i talk to him, he smokes weed about 20years now, his mam n dad and brother smoke it aswell as his aunt, uncle and cousins, its all around him and doesn't see a problem, i told him how i feel and he said, he is not a walk over that i can't control his life an he won't take ultimatums, he says he loves me and that im ungreatful that he does everything for me and he sick of me trying to control him, i love him but don't no how to go about it.

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 24/01/2019 14:59

Ime weed has long term effects and living with a drug user isn't a nice life.
My exh had used it as a teen, long term. As an adult he was disfunctional, paranoid and basically a twat.
Exh.
Your dc should not be anywhere near him imo.
School will smell it on their clothes.
They may report you to ss.
You deserve more. So do your dc.
Ltb.

VeryQuaintIrene · 24/01/2019 15:04

It's not going to get any better, is it? Dump.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/01/2019 15:10

Your own children in all likelihood probably look at you and wonder why you and he are still together at all. They see your unhappiness here and you cannot hide that from them.

I would end the relationship now before you are further dragged down by him. You have to protect yourself and your own children here. His primary relationship is also with cannabis, its not with you and it never has been with you either. He grew up seeing family members smoke this so it is normal for him. Do not let it become your normality too.

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 24/01/2019 15:35

"he smokes weed about 20years now, his mam n dad and brother smoke it aswell as his aunt, uncle and cousins, its all around him and doesn't see a problem,"
Do you want your DC to grow up with the same view, that this is normal, and not a problem? You need to leave for their sake, as it doesn't sound like there is any chance of him changing any time soon.

Readytorewind · 24/01/2019 19:25

How long have you been together?

HundredMilesAnHour · 24/01/2019 19:28

It's normal to him. He isn't going to change. So you have to decide if you can continue to live like this or if you should leave him. I think leaving is your only real option.

Dirtybadger · 24/01/2019 19:33

He has a real problem.

My DP uses cannabis. Regularly but not every day. I do noe and again. I'm not opposed to it any more than other substances (legal or not). So I'm on the tolerant side of this....

But anyone using anything every day had an issue. And you can't make someone give something up. He doesn't want to. He cant.

Someone I know has smoked it every day for multiple decades. This summer with a few others I was part of an attempt to have them sectioned. Fortunately this (unsuccessful) effort has forced them to engage with MH support and so it is ongoing but still miserable for various people, but especially for this person and their partner (in some ways moreso the partner)

I don't know that the psychosis is caused by cannabis. Correlation and all that. Maybe it's just a coincidence. Obviously it is clinically relevant.

But trust me it's miserable living with someone that ill. And eventually it becomes dangerous. I sincerely hope that it doesn't ever have this effect on him or any of his family. But it is a risk.

You can't change him. You need to leave, IMO.

Starlight456 · 24/01/2019 19:34

I have been there dump him.

My ex would make efforts but ultimately never saw the issue so ended up just doing it behind my back.

You will be so much happier

Wolfiefan · 24/01/2019 19:37

So he’s a drug user who calls you names? Nice.
Don’t walk away. Run!!!

Finfintytint · 24/01/2019 19:40

Ditch him. I know and work with many habitual cannabis users. They are always a bit grimier, smellier, less useful, less motivated members of society. Plenty of MNetters will tell you “oh, it’s just a bit of blow” but when it’s habitual it really makes a difference to what you become.

OhTheRoses · 24/01/2019 19:46

Run for the hills.

Scotschic · 24/01/2019 20:42

I used to smoke weed daily, infact I didn’t feel normal without it and I thought ‘ach it’s just a bit of weed, it doesn’t do any harm’ but how wrong I was, the long term effects that I suffer from are: mood swings (I’ve always been a grumpy type but these are something else) short term memory loss-it was that bad that I thought I was losing my mind, anxiety, paranoia, lethargy and depression and I started at 17 and smoked it for years and these effects haven’t went away. If your partner was smoking it and he had no effects then I’d ask what the problem is, but his problem is affecting others so these are the problems.

It was quite easy for me to stop though, probably because the cons outweighed the pros, and I had trouble sleeping for a few weeks and I had bad dreams but that was it, weed is way stronger than cannabis so I think that cannabis should be easier to stop, it’s not heroin, it’s not physically addictive, it’s just mentally addictive.

Say to your partner that you can’t continue the relationship if he won’t stop smoking it and mean it, see what he does, not what he says but what he does.

Nat8334 · 24/01/2019 22:30

3years now

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Nat8334 · 24/01/2019 22:32

He don't smoke in the house he goes for a walk when smoking i dont even let cigz in the house

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UnsungHero · 24/01/2019 22:33

How is he affording it?

Wolfiefan · 24/01/2019 22:39

But you let him come home stoned and call you names?
He won’t change. He’s told you that. Believe him and move on.

Nat8334 · 24/01/2019 23:01

He works full time and has a well paid job, thank you all for your comments i am taking it all on board and i know you are all right i think i just needed to hear it😐, we have a holiday booked for next week for a few days🙈🙈but you are right nothing will change if he don't see anything that needs to change, this is probably going to be the hardest thing i will ever do but i know its the right thing. Thank you x

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