Mum

[Elizaevans9]

Hi. This is my first thread. Anyway my mum has always had a bad temper. I understand that we all lose it from time to time but my mum gets angry a lot. I have been staying with my mum for a few days and she has been getting angry several times a day over the tiniest thing. She got angry this morning and i stupidly started shouting back. I feel dreadful about shouting back. When i shouted back my mum hit me in the face and she started screaming about how i have mental health issues. This just left me feeling down right scared. I am still shaking now even though i am now at home. I know i should not have shouted back. I have put up with my mums anger issues for years without reacting. I have tried to seek help for her on several occasions but she does not think that she has a problem. She seems to think that i am looking for sympathy. I have tried to make things up with my mum but she keeps saying everything is my fault. I know i have to take some responsibility for my actions. The thing that bugs me is that my mum will not take any responsibility for actions whatsoever.

You cannot rescue and or save someone like your mother who does not want to be helped. You can only help your own self ultimately and I would stay away from her completely from now on. She really will never apologise nor take any responsibility for her actions here. Let her go along with the relationship you have with her. Its not working and you will keep on being hurt if you put yourself in her line of fire.

What if anything do you know about your mother's childhood; was there violence and or abuse in it?. Even so this is no justification for the ways in which you are treated now by her, there is really no excuse. Where is your dad here in all this, is he still around?. Do you have siblings?.

Its not your fault your mother is like this and you did not make her that way (her parents did that). What is your mother like with and around other people, I would think she does not lash out at them like this.

You would not tolerate this one bit from a friend and your mother is no different. You have a right to a life free from verbal and physical abuse from anyone.

Firstly if mum doesnt want to change then there is nothing in the world you can do for her. Are there underlying issues why shes like it. Does things get worse if she drinks

Secondly but should be firstly u need to protect yourself. You probably dont have mh issues she is trying to justify her actions. I stress and cant stress it enough. Ignore her rants no matter how hurtful. Just try and think oh mums off on one. Dont let her destroy your self esteem. Her behaviour is abusive and you have to protect yourself. Do u live with her full time if not get out. If she starts one of her tirades walk out. This is not a healthy relationship. Tell her you will speak to her when she calms down. People say lots of shit when angry do not think its your fault. Cos ur emotionally involved with mum its hard and upsetting pulling on ur heart strings but how far will you let it go, when she stabs you etc. Take action now. Look up on internet for self help groups. You know this is not normal as you wouldnt be on her. Please take care.

You did nothing wrong.
She sounds like a bully.
If she carry's in like that she'll pick the wrong person and they will do more than shout at her.
Steer clear.
Nasty peace of work.

Thanks all. She can be worse after alcohol but as far as i know she did not have alcohol last night. I just think that i shouted back because i have literally taken enough. I feel a bit better now that i have had a good cry.

This is awful for you but you cant change or help someone who doesnt want to be helped and it sounds like you have put up with these anger issues a long time. Do you have any other family/siblings to help support you?

The only family i have are my grandma and granddad and they have health issues so it is unlikely they would help

Do you have your own place or could you go and live with your grandparents? Your mum sounds horrible.

My mum and dad got divorced when i was 8 and my dad did not want to see me again. My mum was hit when she was a child so she thinks that it is okay to hit me even though i am an adult. I am not trying to excuse her behaviour today as i think that it was sick. One thing i do know. If i do have children i do not know whether to allow her to see them. If she can hit an adult she is capable of hurting a child.