To think this isn't ok?

[Sharkirasharkira]

I have a male friend (X) who I met through my ex - I'm friends with both him and his girlfriend, known them both a few years but don't see them much in RL.

Not heard from either of them in over a year. Then I started getting messages from X asking how I was, general chat after I spilt with ex. All fine. Then the messages became a bit..weird. Like short porn clips, or other, funny stuff cut with sex scenes. The kind of videos you would show your mates to make them laugh but too explicit for public viewing iykwim.

It was always weird when I was single but now I'm not it just feels....wrong! I feel like I should say something and ask him to stop but I also feel like he's just doing it to be funny and there's nothing more to in, in which case I'll look like a twat if I ask him not to. Would any of you think this is too much? Would it be weird to you?

You're uncomfortable. You're allowed to ask him to stop. You're allowed to block him.

He has a girlfriend? I wonder how she would feel about him sending sexy vids to another woman?

Tell him to stop and block his arse.

Just tell him to stop sending them to you. Of course you won't look like a twat.

You don't even have to ask him to stop. Just never respond to those messages. Tell him to stop if he doesn't get the picture.

Just tell him you're not a teenage boy therefore don't find them funny/interesting.

Well quite, 0ccams! I know I wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend was sending that sort of stuff to another girl. I would be one thing if we had always had that kind of ‘banter-y’ relationship and it was all above board but it was all quite random and out of the blue, and I very much suspect she doesn’t know he’s sending them which makes me feel worse! I like her, she is really nice and I don’t want to be a part of anything that might hurt her.

I think that’s the best course of action Dirtybadger.

Little bit confused. Although you call it odd, you were fine with these while you were single BUT he had a girlfriend?

If it's inappropriate in content, why were you ok with it, especially knowing he had s girlfriend. If it's inappropriate for you to receive not you are in a relationship, it was inappropriate to let it continue whole you knew he had a girlfriend.

Anyway, he sounds like a dick and I would cut contact. You should have done before

I would just say...
Do you think I'm one of your male friends?
Because as a woman who is absolutely against porn, this is now very very offensive. Please stop sending them to me. (you might not be but he doesn't need to know that)
Then go into one about the porn industry and all it's disgusting, illegal pitfalls.
He'll soon stop.

I have one mixed gender group of friends that go back so long its all very relaxed. I think the boys forget we aren't boys too if that makes sense.

I told one of them at a recent night that I didnt find the (highly offensive misogynistic) meme funny. He flipped and said I was so uptight and a humour vacuum these days.

I shrugged. Happy enough to kiss the friendship goodbye if it all has to be on his terms.

I would just respond with something like "ugh... no more please" and leave it at that.

I also feel like he's just doing it to be funny and there's nothing more to in, in which case I'll look like a twat if I ask him not to

What if he sent you something rascist or disablist or otherwise incredibly offensive? Would you feel like a “twat” asserting yourself in those circumstances?

I bet you wouldn’t think twice before asking him to stop.

For some reason because it’s sex and sexist you think you won’t be a “cool girl” if you call him on it.

Tell him to stop. If he’s a decent guy he will.

If he’s an arse he’ll make an issue of it.

His intentions in sending it are irrelevant, all you need to know is that it makes you uncomfortable.

@Boysandbuses I wasn't ok with it before because I knew he had a gf - it's only happened a couple of times but I've gone from thinking it's a bit weird to feeling really uncomfortable with it the more I get if that makes sense.