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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I walk away?

14 replies

Aprilseas · 24/01/2019 11:26

I met a guy 15 years ago in a chat room. We became good friends and chatted via text 3/4 times a week. He lives 200 miles away. We did lose contact for a while, but over the last 5 years, we have become closer, we finally met 3 years ago, and now he comes to stay at my home every other weekend, or in the week, depending on our work. We go out for meals, walks, day trips, and yes, we sleep together. About 18 months ago, just after we started sleeping together, he rang me in a drunken state telling me how wonderful this one girl was that he had met in the gym. I was crushed. We remained friends, and he still visited, but I stopped the sex. I suggested he ask her out, which he did, she rejected him and disappeared. He was gutted, and started paying me attention again. So here I am, sleeping with him, him suggesting we are heading to be a couple ...
Last week he left his laptop on his emails and nipped out...I shudnt have looked...but there it was, messeges from her and his replies. The one I read was him offering to pay for her to go skiing with him!
U can imagine my rage, but I casually asked him does he ever see her. His answer was, maybe once in 5 months, but he dont care, shes old news and he hasnt had a text or email either.
What do I do?

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 24/01/2019 11:29

Walk away, if his heart isn't there 100% you are worth more.

Shoxfordian · 24/01/2019 11:30

He's treating you like an option

Sleeps with you
Likes someone else, she doesn't like him
Comes back to you

Don't be a mug

hellsbellsmelons · 24/01/2019 11:51

The fact you even have to ask is very worrying.
Please raise your bar.
This guy is an asshole who is using you until something better come along.
Don't be an option.
Dump and run.

And if you need to - then re-read your opening post and think of it as a friend writing it.
What your advice be!?
RUN FOR THE HILLS - I suspect!!!!!

frustratedashell · 24/01/2019 11:54

Get rid. You're worth a lot more

0ccamsRazor · 24/01/2019 12:05

Why would you want to be the plan B?

Aprilseas · 24/01/2019 12:14

Im 54, he's 48. Ive been on my own for over 10 years, had a few dates but nothing worth talking about. Im very insecure about men, and I guess Im holding in as its the only attention Ive had. My head knows that what you have all said is right. But the thought of having no one seems even worse.

OP posts:
Parthenope · 24/01/2019 12:18

Is being single really worse than being taken for granted as a sexual outlet by a man who doesn't even do a very good job of hiding his infatuation with someone else? Come on, OP. Chin up. You're worth more than this.

Do you really have to ask what you should do?

SuperSuperSuper · 24/01/2019 12:53

If you want to sit on the subs bench for the foreseeable future, stick with him.

It's hard to leave someone when you had high hopes, I get that. But he's not going to do the decent thing and finish with you, so you need to take control.

Adora10 · 24/01/2019 12:58

Wow, you have to ask, the guy is using you OP, you actually know this you just don't want to be alone, plenty things you can do to be in company, doesn't have to be letting someone treat you like shit.

MumsyJ · 24/01/2019 13:06

The easiest walk away I'd ever recommend.

butterfly56 · 24/01/2019 13:09

No wonder you are insecure about men having spent the last 15years being given the run around by this idiot!
Honestly OP...give yourself a chance to recover from this situation by ditching him.
Put yourself first for a change and when you get some confidence back then look at finding someone who really wants you for being you you, not someone who thinks you're second best. Flowers

Pinkmonkeybird · 24/01/2019 13:11

What a dick. Don't waste any more of your time with him.

Bewilderedraven · 24/01/2019 13:30

Walk. Block him and delete his number. You are worth better and this is not good for your self confidence.

billybagpuss · 24/01/2019 16:31

Hi OP your last post made me quite sad, what sort of things do you enjoy doing? I think you need to focus on you and your friends rather than clinging to someone that sees you as a safe fallback if other things don’t pan out.

Concentrate on making you happy and confident then you’ll meet someone who deserves you.

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