Handhold 24 with 4 kids and thinking of walking away from dp

[Blabbermouth93]

Hi im 24 i have 3 kids and 31 weeks pregnant with my 4th.

I know i should have left years ago but this man had completley utterly ripped every ounce of self confidence i have and im just at breaking point.

I work he doesn't i pay all the bills while he sits on a computer he controls me in certain ways he's cheated on me more times than i can count twice while i was in hospital giving birth ... he knows i don't like dating websites yet still continues to go on them he talks down to me constantly and quite frankly im sick and tired of having to keep him he wont sign on.

But because my confidence has taken a battering i keep going back.

I'm scared of being 24 with 4 kids on my own i feel like a failure as i could have dine so much more than invest 8 years into this person i cringe when he even touches me he constantly flirts with other women in front of me and ive got to the point i just dont care anymore.

My mum and dad are embarrassed of me as they had such high hopes for me I've ruined my life.

Oh my god you poor thing, you have not ruined your life and no one is embarrassed of you. Your parents will want you to escape so badly - please contact Women's Aid for support and help in leaving they can give you brilliant, free advice.

You are not a failure or anything at all, please leave and realise how much happier you will be without him.

I honestly do realise how much happier i would be without him which is why I'm wanting to do this now.

However i think what's stopped me before was pride too as didn't want people to think i had just wasted my life but that's what is happening now anyway.

I'm only 24 and feel if i don't get out I'm going to be run into the ground very quickly i have gave this man everything and he just takes and takes not once in the 8 year has he instigated we go out or go somewhere I'm always left to go on my own which fine im independent but i want someone to do something nice with me once in a while. X

You get nothing from him, it seems to me. You are anything but a failure. You have grown 3 children and it seems like you have provided for them, and this idiot. Not many 24 year old can say that, and you still basically have your whole life ahead of you. You must break free of him and start that whole life. People in RL, your parents should be able to help and give you the confidence. If they cannot then use WA and here to give you the support. You can, and will, do it, for you and your children.

Your parents will be so relived to see you walking away from a deadbeat who doesn't respect you.

You say you have wasted 8 years - don't be here in another 12 months saying it's been 9......

Draw a line, 8 years was more than enough.

And take contraception!

I married my abusive ex husband at 24.

Your life is over if you stay op x

Has he ever worked? If you leave him he won't pay anything for his children.

You absolutely haven’t ruined or wasted anything. You sound amazing - with four children and managing to hold down down a job as well. Your parents should be immensely proud of your hard work and drive at such a young age. Most 24 year olds I know can only just about manage to look after themselves, let alone a brood of little ones and a deadbeat husband. I’m 34, on mat leave and struggle to care for one baby shared with a fairly helpful husband!
You should definitely get rid of your DH though ASAP. Kick him out and don’t look back. You are clearly very capable of managing without him.

You don't have 4 kids, you have 5.

Agree with all above...

But, be careful. Can he claim to have being a SAHD, demand to be RP and claim support from you?

See a solicitor and find out where you stand.

(I say this from watching my lovely friend support her cheating, feckless P for 15 years, while working her arse off.)

You are still very young, to support three children plus a P means that you are an incredibly able and together woman, I salute you! You should have an amazing future ahead of you.

Oh, and you deserve a man who loves and respects you. You haven’t ruined your life, you can move onto a much better life!

The good thing is that your only 24... you have your whole life ahead of you and you can change it, sure it'll be hard with 4 kids in tow but other people manage it so you can too, leave the asshole, work your butt off and bring up your children to become respectful young adults .. That's all you can do

Don't worry about what people think or say as good or bad, people talk.
You are not a failure, your happiness comes first. Protect yourself and your lovely DC from this waste of space called boyfriend. You're 24, hard working and providing for your kids and I applaud you for those.
Speak to your family for support which I'm sure they'll be happy to with open arms. You need to leave this vile person, so disrespectful and lazy, getting everything for free.
You have nothing to lose and watch your confidence bounce back once he's out of your life.