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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend and DC in violent relationship

7 replies

GiraffePanda · 23/01/2019 23:29

NC as identifying details. Friend in violent lesbian relationship. Friend and partner both instigate violence. Hitting, smashing things up in the home. The DC has witnessed all of the violence. I was cut out of her life for months but suddenly she's at my door again today claiming the relationship is ended, yet again. I am not going to be able to do the non committal neutral supporting thing again. There is just no way.

Followed advice from a DV specialist at work, sent friend a link to a LGBT DV helpline. I also suggested to change the locks so she can feel safe in her home (partner has left the home). She reacted badly saying I was making her feel controlled and scared.

She is in total denial that this is a serious situation. Totally blind to the impact it's having on DC. All she talks about is herself. Did partner ever love me, I want to be free to love other people.. she is now talking about exploring polyamory. It sounds like a full blown mental health crisis to be honest. All she has to say about DC is not knowing what to do with them.

There is no way she would willingly co operate with any professional. She barely tolerated me sending the fucking helpline link. I want to scream in her face to sort her shit out and take DC away from her.

Obviously I'm not going to actually do that.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
pissedonatrain · 23/01/2019 23:37

You can't help or fix this.

Report them to the authorities for child abuse

Cut them out of your life for good.

HowardSpring · 24/01/2019 00:33

I agree.The kids need, above all to be safe. Involve SS.
Inform school, health visitor. police - whoever will act. Then end the friendship.
You need these violent, abusive people out of your life

Dvg · 24/01/2019 01:32

You want to take the dc away but won't call SS?

I have people like your friend, they don't deserve children if they arnt going to protect them emotionally and physically

GiraffePanda · 24/01/2019 13:54

Ok! Thank you.

OP posts:
IAmWonderWoman · 24/01/2019 13:58

Definitely call social services. She won’t be able to ignore them. The poor DC.

Foodylicious · 24/01/2019 14:05

If she is at school/nursery you can talk to them about safeguarding.

If not just ring ss/safeguarding yourself.

She does not sound like much of a friend to you. Time to let the friendship go and at least you can put the dc first even if she can't.

OverwateredCheeseplant · 24/01/2019 14:15

You must protect the kids interests only here because nobody else is putting them first. This will be incredibly damaging for them. Please report today.

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