Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Threshold for occupation order?

4 replies

MinorMorris · 23/01/2019 22:36

NC for this.

DH has mental health issues, and has grown increasingly depressed and angry. This is manifesting in him verbally abusing me in front of our small DD.

It's totally unacceptable and damaging for her, and I know we need to separate. Trouble is, he doesn't want to.

We live in a two-bed flat, but he also has a one-bed flat just around the corner, which is usually rented out, but is currently empty. He is point blank refusing to stay there, even temporarily to allow things to cool down.

Things got so bad last night that this morning I packed a bag, and tonight DD and I are staying in a hotel. She thinks this is a great adventure, but it's expensive and inconvenient, so we can't stay for long.

As he won't move out, I am wondering whether I can get an occupation order, rather than continue to subject DD to his tantrums and abuse of me. If push came to shove I could possibly rent somewhere, but it would be more disruptive for DD, very expensive and I may have trouble getting somehere as I am not working (though do have a cushion of cash I could pay the rent with - though it would be a stretch).

Does anyone know what the threshold is for getting an occupation order? He hasn't hit me, but regularly verbally abuses me in front of our daughter, plus does things like turn off the wifi. Last night he tried to lock us out of the bathroom and sitting room, but the key wouldn't work. Instead he turned off the heating in those rooms. He has also taken a fuse out of the fuse box, so that the lights have gone out while DD was in the kitchen eating her dinner. Appeals from me for him to think of how confusing/distressing it would be for her fell on deaf ears, and I ended up having to snatch the fuse off him and climb up to put it back myself, after which he took it back out again. He also has pulled me back by my hair when I tried to walk away when he started shouting at me in the street.

It seems ridiculous that he has done these things, now I see them written down. But is it enough to get him out? I have no idea. Does anybody know?

OP posts:
Kko1986 · 24/01/2019 10:52

The flat you share your name or his? Get away from him depression and anxiety etc are no excuse he pulled your hair physical contact not acceptable at all get your child away from him also he's turned the heating off in a home with a small child out of spite? Someone will be alone to go over the occupation order but get away from him now you and your child are at risk. Depression is no excuse

Suresurelah · 24/01/2019 11:26

Pulling your hair is physical abuse.

He doesn’t sound depressed but unhinged!

Please go to the police and contact WA

MinorMorris · 24/01/2019 15:16

Thanks for your replies. He is quite severely ill, he has suspected borderline personality disorder and also severe depression and anxiety.

I know I need to get out with DD, it's just a matter of how. The property is in his name, but we have been married a long time, so would be looking at 50/50 split if we divorced. Him living at the other flat would be the perfect solution, in the short term, it's just he is paranoid I am trying to steal the 2 bed away from him. He doesn't realise that I would likely get it in the event of divorce, even if he clings on.

OP posts:
Mummylife2018 · 24/01/2019 16:09

You absolutely can get an O order. Please call NCDV on tel:02071868270 and they will arrange it all for you. Free of charge

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread