Should this be an issue after only 2 years?

[aphen]

DP and I have been seeing one another for two and a bit years now. We still live seperately at the moment due to work situation.

I physically cannot have children. DP has said quite a few times that he really wants children, his dmum has commented how she’d love grandchildren, although she knows I can’t either. I don’t really want to adopt either. I like the lifestyle of a small flat in a city and enough spare cash.

Anyway should this concern me, as what if this just grows and grows?

would concern me. Im afraid you are not on the same wavelength, itll come to a head at some point.

Tough one. Ultimately, you're not compatible.

If DP is dead set on having children and he can't have them with you (and you won't adopt) then ultimately he will have to have them with someone else. So I can't see the relationship working long-term. Sorry.

This is not a long term relationship.

You aren't compatable are you?

It's an issue after one date if neither of you are going to change your position. And neither of you should have to, you're just not compatible.

Call it a day.

You can't have/don't want children. He wants children. This will never, ever work. Why are you wasting time on this relationship?

Gosh OP, tough situation; I think 2 years is the red herring in a way, this is unfortunately an issue regardless of the length of the relationship.

Not living together after 2 years combined with that fact kind of makes it seem it'll carry on until he is ready for kids for real and will end it, or if he finds someone else, I'm sorry to say. Hes made it clear his future involves kids, his family are all primed for it, i think that's unlikely to change. I actually think his DM's comments are the height of rude, if she knows you can't have children as well

I think despite us all saying it's obviously incompatible it is a thing it's easy to be in denial about. The future seems far away, when you are happy with someone it's an inconvenient truth to really look at things like this. We hope that love will trump a desire for kids, when it likely wont, or that the other person will change their mind over time- anything that's easier than accepting we need to probably end something we quite like.

Do you talk to him about it? He knows as well as you do he won't be having kids with you at the end of the day, but is going around saying he wants them which obviously contradicts reality. Time to have it out in the open now maybe, properly? You could waste a couple of years of your life otherwise, before it might end anyway.

I have a friend who was told that she could never conceive by more than one doctor/specialist; she is now the mother of two boys. However, it seems that in addition to not being able to conceive that you are happy with your life as it is and would not want children, even if you were able to. For that reason I would say that this relationship is ultimately going nowhere.

This isn’t going to end well.

Agree with those saying you are sadly incompatible

You need to have the conversation regarding about having kids via adoption... versus him wanting bio kids even though that would mean with someone else.

Most likely it's not going to end well

If he wants children and you don't then it's a deal breaker really, if the shoe was on the other foot would you expect a woman to forgo being the mother they long to be because their dp doesn't want them? I suggest that you sit down and really talk this through - it may be he's just appeasing his dm and is fine not having them, or maybe he is banking on you changing your mind (or worse still he isn't in it for the long term anyway). Best to establish where you stand now than later. I hope it works out well.

I think they are both incredibly insensitive to talk about how much they want children/grandchildren when you've been clear that you can't have them.

Unless his mum is talking about his siblings having children, she is being incredibly interfering and hurtful.

You need a frank discussion. Maybe he thinks you'll change your mind about adoption?

It's a major difference and will, I think, breed resentment over time. This isn't something you can compromise on sadly, even adoption isn't a compromise if he wants to have his own (biologocally). Unfortunately I can't see where you can go with this except to part ways