Help not sure what to think!

[KZC101]

Ok hello, new here but have to tell my story and ask for advice!

I met my now husband on a dating online site, we got married 2 years ago, I am very happy with him only there is something that is bugging the crap out of me!

He was in a previous relationship for 10 years prior to me, when we were still in the dating stages his ex used to call him for useless stuff, her dog died and she was upset or she needs advice how to use the oven blah blah, I was not too happy about it but hey.....his mum then became terminally ill and we unfortunately lost her, 2 days after his mothers death he told me he met up with his ex to discuss his heartache but in the same conversation he told me that she asked him 'am I the one'.......wtf, till this day I cannot get over this! why her & not me???

I then still found her mobile and home number in his phone and photos of her in his phone....why???? There has been numerous occasions where I have found an odd text on his phone from her with xx & calling him darling, I have a feeling they have met up again in the last few years, about 4 weeks ago I found a text from her (seemed generic) about her new number, so, I did the unthinkable and blocked the number & deleted the text.....why did my husband not tell me
I have since found her on facebook but not said anything to him or her.....

Am I being silly? My friends say 'well he married you after 1 year and not her after 10 years'......I do feel a little hurt and it enters my mind everyday.......

Do you think he is over that or just married her to forget me?

I don't see anywhere that you've spoken with him about any of this. Have you? Because that's the way you'll be able to move forward.

You need to speak to your DH about this and tell him that him being in contact with his ex is upsetting you and why. You are his wife, he needs to put you first and stop being in contact with his ex if it's upsetting you. Given that he is with you and not her he shouldn't have a problem with this.
You need to stop snooping through his phone, if you're getting to the point where you are losing trust in him you need to nip it in the bud FAST! Without trust your relationship will be very hard going so best to face this head on and get it resolved.

Got to be fair id be pissed. Yeah she isnt just a friend they were in a long term relationship. I would straight out and ask him why he went to her and not you. When he said to you about are u the one, what did he say? Be straight with him.

Hi all
Thanks for the replies.....I have brought it up in conversation usually when I have had a few alcoholic beverages lol....just think its been a few years now he might think I am a mad woman, I do trust him and I dont want to snoop through his phone but he has given me reason to do so....... I dont think he has spoken to her for a while as no numbers or texts in his phone....the thoughts are still there though.....

You say you do trust him but you obviously don't.

You're snooping through his phone, stalking his ex online... you blocked her new number on HIS phone!!!

Sorry, but you're the one sounding like a crazy lady.

Geez calm down lol

stalking...... lol, nothing of the sort.......

If it because ur unsure hell yeah it makes u do things like that but it also cos u aint had a sober frank discussion. Does he think it doesnt hurt your feelings him running to yr ex when he is supposed to be your husband.

You need to talk to him when you're sober. I know it's easier once you've had a couple of drinks and have some 'dutch courage' but he needs to understand exactly how it's making you feel (even if you're worried you'll look like a mad woman). If you're not upfront with him about it how is he meant to know?
If you're snooping then you don't trust him, that is not the actions of a trusting person. If you talk to him and get it sorted (by him blocking her or whatever you need him to do to make you feel at ease) then you'll stop having these thoughts that he only married you to forget her and you can move on in a much happier and healthier frame of mind.

Don't blame you OP, he has caused the distrust, you are not a mad woman!

Bloody awful actually that he goes to her and they are in secret contact, fuck that, I'd be giving him it straight regardless of what he says.

You need to talk, you clearly don’t actually trust him.

I’d be well pissed off though, if my husband was going through my phone though

They were t9gether for 10 years so she probably knew his mum better than you. They finished and he's with you and married you but they are still friends. I get how you can get a twinge of jealousy but if they wanted to be together they would be together. They're not together because they don't want to be together yet they remain friends. I'm still in touch with some exes and my first long term boyfriend I still consider him one of my best friends. Neither of us are interested in anything other than friendship.

So what if they were together 10 years, they have no ties, there are no children involved here, so what if she knew his mum better, i doubt they meet up regularly for chats and coffee.

It's not nice what he has done, he went to her with his heartache, wtf is that all about? She calls him for help with her oven, eh...

He has pics of her in his phone and doesn't tell the OP when he has met up with her, who would trust someone acting like that?

Having said that OP, snooping on his fone is totally out of order.

They're friends. He's got every right to do what he did.

My husband and i are still in touch. We split up 5 years ago because we just wasnt right for each other. Neirher of us did anything bad. We just fell.out of love and wanted different things. We were friends prior to dating so have remained friends since splitting.
If my parent died I would probably find comfort in discussing it with him. Not because I want to get back with him. Not because I want to have sex with him etc but because he has known my mum for so long it would make me feel like there was another part of her with me. That's important when grieving and thats the thing about having history with someone, you can't erase it no matter how happy you are with someone else.
I know some will disagree but I think you're in the wrong. He can be friends with whom he chooses and it doesn't give you the right to invade his privacy.
After being in a v controlling relationship I wouldn't stand for this type of thing. My friendships are my business. I would take on board someone's feelings if I got involved but I wouldn't lie or hide things like this. I would clearly state that I wouldn't be end Ing any friendships just to appease someone's insecurities.
I'm not sure why it would be expected to surely stop being friends with an ex, someone I had shared a huge part of my life with. It's easy enough to make enemies in this world I would want to maintain any friendship I had.