Is my friend bitter? Should I end friendship?

[Bikinginsummer]

My friend of 20 years has gradually started to irritate and upset me .

She is obsessed with other people and their opinions of her; to the point I feel it could be a mental illness(?) and quite self orientated.She has also become obsessed with other people’s relationships, marriages and divorces. She constantly tells me how everyone in a relationship is unhappy and all marriages end in divorce and rejoices when there is a problem in a friends relationship. A friend of hers got engaged recently and she was scathing saying she wasn’t even pretty ie she can’t be happy for others. Also her partner and her are misogynistic and call women they disapprove of 'sluts' if a girl has had an affair etc even though her partner has had loads of affairs. So I never know who to respond.

She knows I am in a happy relationship (which I never mention) . My partner and I have spoken about getting engaged this year however I don’t dare share this with my friend because I know she would be horrible and bitch about me. She never asks anything about me or my relationship or my partner.

So my question is what should I do? Should I avoid her? Do I confront her or do I let our friendship go? Am I being a little harsh in my assessment, is she simply bitter or is that too obvious?

She has been with her partner for 5 years, he is much older and won’t commit – he won’t even live with her , is a cheat and pretty lazy. I’ve tried to be supportive. She has admitted previously that she wants marriage and children but can't live without him (so deep down she knows she's not getting what she wants?)

What would you do? thanks!

She sounds pretty vile tbh.

I'm surprised you've lasted this long. Why haven't you distanced yourself long ago? Why have you even stayed in touch?

She sounds like a friend I have. It’s mostly jealousy!

Personally, I would avoid her and focus on different friends. Make a list of ways she brings positivity into your life. If you are struggling then that's your answer. I know people go through shit but life is too short to be there for people who won't try and help themselves, and continuously focus on themselves and their woes.

Thanks everyone! I wouldn't be friends with her now it's only because we've known each other for 20 years.
I feel terrible for being disloyal but she really isn't a nice person at the moment
Do ppl really get so jealous they become bitter and horrible?
I suppose I'm just happy for ppl and never give it much thought.
Is there any point In telling her?

Oh that sounds awful and draining! Sounds like she's not happy with her partner, and his lack of commitment, and she's transferring that by being horrible and jealous of others. Have you tried pulling her up on it? Just asking 'friend, wth are you being so horrible about other friend getting engaged/relationship etc? It's not very nice and quite offensive actually' Or something like that

What have you got to lose? Tell her.

She's projecting her pain onto others. Pitiful really. She sounds like she may be in thrall to her revolting partner?

A twenty year friendship is worth fighting for.

I'm a bit crap and let it go on too long I suppose. I should've pulled her up on it months ago. I get annoyed that she's not mature enough to take control of her unhappiness - which she could do something about.
The closest I've got is once I quipped that actually I was very happy and getting engaged when she was being horrible about marriage and no relationship lasts etc ... I've never had to do that but it's like she doesn't care who her audience is
I felt awful for letting her know I was thinking of trying for a baby.... She always ignores those messages etc and leaves it for a day only to start again being horrible.
I feel she's not very nice about me to her partner

Geez OP with a friend like that you don't need an enemy. It definitely sounds like envy to me, the green eyed monster has gotten a hold of her good and proper to the point where she can't be happy for anyone anymore. Given you've been friends for so long I would be pulling her up on her behaviour next time it happens. If when she has a go at you (because she won't like being told she's out of order) then tell her you can't even bring yourself to share any of your happy relationship news with her because of how she's acting and that you're going to stop seeing her and speaking to her if she can't go back to being a decent person. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

I don't envy your position op! The non responses to your trying for a baby and her not acknowledging any happiness for you would really give me pause though.
One tjing I learned a long time ago is that when someone has something horrible to say about everyone, you better not leave yourself out of that equation.

I really feel bad for you in regards to the 30 year history, but this is really toxic for you to be around and is surely causing you stress.

If it were me, I'd pull her up on it once and once only. If it continues after that, I'd remain civil but back away until she came to her senses. Which may never happen.

Just seen your update OP, the fact that you've already pulled her up once before and the silent treatment she gave you when you said you were thinking of trying for a baby should be telling you she is no friend of yours. And you can guarantee if she is bitching about everyone else to you, she is bitching about you to everyone else.
She's not worth the hassle, avoid spending time with her and speaking to her for your own sanity. If she asks you why you aren't talking to her / spending time with her anymore then tell her but otherwise it's obvious she won't listen.

Thanks for all the advice! Really it only confirms what I thought. I did talk to my mum and boyfriend about it. Not too much because I must seem horrible for talking about a friend in a bad light however I realise she isn't a friend.
For example she 'enjoyed' when I had problems in my previous relationship... The guy was not a catch! But I felt it helped her feel smug about her relationship. Now I am very happy with a wonderful partner she seems uninterested and can't be happy for me.
But no one can deal with this level of negativity.
The other thing when I was having relationship problems with my ex she always referred it back to her relationship but in a really trite way.
I was heart broken and all she would say was how hurt she was when her partner broke up for 24 hours.
Everything goes back to her and her partner. Now I'm mentioning engagement and kids she can't refer to her partner which I think annoys her.
When we moved in she said nothing because her partner won't even let her leave a toothbrush at his. She's struggling financially and it'd make sense for them to move in to consolidate bills.

Gosh sorry for the rant!

RivanQueen spot on!