Wedding elopement

[BWrose]

I got engaged last year. We don't have a date set or any other plans set. To be honest I'm happy like this for the foreseeable future. To be honest I didn't even think about a wedding day.

The one thing I do know, I would like something low key and stress free.

I'm from Ireland and generally weddings are big affairs and costly too. You can plan outside the box and keep costs down but it is costly.

Recently there's a push from his family to get a move on with wedding plans. I'm not happy about this. Not only that, I had two cousins get married last year, the fuss and the drama my mother created for an outfit was unreal. She wanted me to shop online for her for a dress, matching jacket, matching shoes, matching bag. That was just for cousins weddings. I dread to think how she will behave coming up to my wedding.

The thought of a wedding at home fills me with pure dread. I definitely want to elope. Just me and him out abroad. Maybe even tell one couple/friends and pay for their holiday too. I don't know.

I don't know how my partner feels about elopement. His family knows him and knows he would absolutely elope and has warned him against it.

Ultimately it's your wedding and you should do it how you want. However that's not always realistic and I know I would be sad to miss my kids' weddings - though I'm not one for big fussy weddings unless the couple want them.

Maybe if you started by suggesting you elope - and even book a wedding abroad or pretend to book one - that gives you much more power in the fight against a giant fuss. You can insist on something very simple and fuss free or else you will be doing the original elopement plan!

For a cousins wedding last year, my found a dress that she liked online but her size and many other sizes were out of stock. What happened over the following few months was nothing short of harassment from her. Getting me to check regularly online to see if the dress was back in stock. I remember checking for her over a weekend. I put in a 13 hour work day on the Monday, came home and I did even have a cup of tea for my dinner and my mother went on about the dress again to check if it was in stock. That's just one example. Ordering shoes online and not liking them or they didn't fit properly and refusing to spend money returning them dumping them coats on my back. She nearly expected me to set up a manufacturing plant to manufacture what she had in her mind regarding a matching jacket and bag too.

I want to cut all of that hassle and drama out. I definitely want to elope.

I would definitely say elope, don't tell anyone what you're doing, say you're having a holiday if anyone asks. Stall, delay and avoid talking about a wedding. Then when you get back and it has all been said and done throw a big party and invite everyone to that.
At the end of the day its YOUR wedding, not your mums, not your friends yours!. This is one of the biggest events of your life, be selfish about it.
While people might kick up a stink over not being able to attend your big, expensive party for free and show off to other family members how much bigger and better their daughters wedding was compared to so and so's wedding they will get over it (eventually).
The last thing you want is to cave to the pressure, spend a shit load of money on something you don't want and regret it for years to come.

I agree with mookatron. Say you might elope then you have more say over the arrangements. Even actually do it abroad so there's less fuss they can make. Or just organize it yourself and then spring the wedding on your parents at the last minute, you could make them think they're going out for a meal but it turns out to be a wedding.

It sounds like your parents will be very sad if you don't tell them you're getting married, I think it would be very cruel. It depends on your relationship with them though, if you're not close and you don't care how they will feel then elope!

I know people will say it's your wedding do what you like. But you have relationships with more than your dh in your life. Do they love you and have they always dreamed of seeing you get married? If so then I couldn't hurt people I love like that. I would try and find a compromise so that they could see you get married without the fuss.

I know myself a big wedding day will make me utterly miserable. Even if we decide to keep it small and at home, only invite close family and friends, I could easily see the numbers adding up with aunts, uncles, cousins etc. Invite one and you'd have to invite more of them. × 2 families. I don't want any of that.

Now one of his sisters is sticking her nose in and getting in and telling him to get a move on. This is enough for me to elope because no doubt, it won't stop at that.

I won't be ready to pick a day for a wedding yet for at least another year. My parents are going through a messy divorce with homelessness on the cards for my father (a mess of his own making there). The family home is caught up in his debts and is in jeopardy too. I won't be able to pick a date until all this settles.

Not to mention my mothers attitude to wedding day outfits. It's enough to make me sick.

There's enough stress in my life.

I mentioned to my mother this morning that the Mr wot like to take me to a wedding fair at the weekend and I'm not looking forward to that. I told her that I don't want a big day, I don't want to get married at home. I want to plan a holiday and tell no one and come back married. She was completely in favour of it.

Good to hear that your DM was in favour of you doing what you want to do for your day OP. I hope her saying that has taken some of the stress out of it for you. As for anyone else sticking their nose in and telling you to get on with it ask them if they are planning on paying for it and if they aren't then they can stay out of it .