Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this make me a terrible friend and person

2 replies

Justmycake · 23/01/2019 11:05

A close friend - very close for many years - has always had problems finding a job she ‘wants’ to do. She’s got a degree, a levels. She constantly finds agency work which is short lived and then says she is thinking about what she wants to do. This has been the case for almost ten years now and she is now living back with family as a result of not having found even agency work for the last few weeks.

I feel like I want to tell her she needs to just choose something and go for it, make more of an effort instead of complaining about lack of money and how unfair the situation is. She doesn’t want to be out of work but then also doesn’t seem to do everything possible to get a job, much of the time is spent moping about it.

I feel terrible about it because she’s a great friend, I just get frustrated that she’s so resentful of people who have more than her yet she can’t see it always takes some amount of work somewhere down the line and it doesn’t just fall into your lap.

It’s been worse this time round and I’m not sure if I should be honest with her that the approach she’s taking isn’t working or stay out of it and continue to try and be supportive.

OP posts:
pudding21 · 23/01/2019 12:25

I think if she is a very close frined you can tactfully say what you said on here. If she gets pissed, you can say you are only acting out of concern and you think she deserves a more permenant career so she can thrive and stop living hand to mouth. Maybe you can say you'll help her decide what she really wants to do. Maybe she has skills she doens't realise. maybe her confidence in that sense is lacking, or maybe she actually just cant commit long term to one thing. A conversation about it is a good place to start.

I dont think you are a terrible person or friend. Once a good friend told me I didn't listen very well sometimes, and I never thought that about myself. I could have been annoyed with her, but she was actually being constructive and I listened ;) Now I am much more conscious when in conversations and hopefully a better person for it.

After all its what friends are for.

Stilllearning01 · 23/01/2019 13:57

Friends are there to be honest and sometimes tell each other when things are not right. Even if we don't want to hear it. you are not a terrible friend. i'd like my friends to tell me when i do their back up complaining about stuff that's my own doing. It may annoy me initially, but i know they mean it well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread