Too intense? What does it mean?

[inmyshoos]

Ive been seeing someone for a few months. Both of us have dc and have long mostly unhappy marriages behind us.
Its great. Its amazing. We have both said we feel this is like nothing we have had before. I feel so connected in ways i never have before. Cheesy but saying he feels likey soul mate is the best way to describe it. He is very open, great with words, says i am everything he dreamed of and more.

But...

Without doubt he has episodes of poor mental health and normally he manages it through sleep and exercise. We talk openly about it and im honest about my own mental health struggles/awareness of how to stay in good health.
He has crashed twice in the few months together. Lack of sleep is a major factor and getting carried away with the high of the new relationship causes lack of sleep. I get it. However then he crashes and has doubts about his ability to maintain his mental health and such an intense relationship. Ironically the thing that brings such joy causes an additional pressure.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I would be gutted if this amazing thing we have found is doomed because of this.

Thing is, it's very early days and you don't know him properly.

I'd be concerned that he's happy enough to blame his mental health issues for his erratic hot & cold behaviour, yet cagey about what they are. And that he's looking for herbal remedies rather than seeking treatment from his GP.

And as i was anticipating he has ended it.
Says he isnt capable of making it work. I deserve more. He loves me so much. But he needs to be on his own and put any energy he has into his kids.
I know the sensible thing to do here is say fine and walk away and indeed i may have no choice but i am gutted. Its been such a long time since i felt so happy with someone. My whole body is shaking. Need to get in a bath and pull myself together. Fucking hell. I need help to stop being so vulnerable.

Oh god, that’s really awful. You do need to believe him though. If you get back together he will do the same. Are yourself mess vulnerable by cutting him out of your life.

I think you'll be dodging a bullet if you let it go. Respect that he's not in the right place for a relationship - you're running the risk of trying to "fix" him. Relationships can't do that.

I also agree that you may be dodging a bullet. He sounds a bit like my cousin (bipolar) who is a lovely, lovely man but very difficult to be in a long term relationship with.

But I know that won’t help and you must be feeling awful right now. So sorry OP

You don't see each other 'much at all'. So most of your relationship is actually being conducted in both of your heads and via text messages. Text messages that have to be analysed and 'read into'. It all sounds very draining. Then when you do meet there is a build up of expectations of the 'ideal' and then the ultimate disappointment of both of you realising the other isn't some sort of answer to all your problems.
He sounds very self-obsessed. It's a lot about him isn't it? Is there room for you at all in this relationship, his relationship with himself seems to dominate everything.
What you said is true "ultimately this is his shit to own". Yes it is his shit to own, but he appears to be trying to move this shit into your 'space'.

Oops posted there without checking for later replies. Sorry to hear you have been hurt OP.

This sounds very similar to my recent relationship. He was bi polar. I really didn't know him properly until just before we split. Be prepared for him to try to worm his way back in. I cannot tell you how badly this toxic relationship has affected me. He was also very full on at first. I was vulnerable and flattered. Then I fell for him. In reality, he cannot maintain a healthy relationship because of his mental health.

Please look after yourself. You are the priority.

Thank you for the kind messages.
Im going to go to bed and have a good old cry. I need to get over this. I know i will but its hard. When its good, which it has been for 95% of the time its so incredible and ive felt happiness like ive never known. But i can see that i may be dodging a bullet. Just for now it feels like my heart has gone through a mangle.

Try to get some sleep. I think you have dodged a bullet. I only wish I'd not stupidly got sucked back into the mess again and again, over 2 years. I feel your pain. Mine is still very raw indeed. If there's one piece of advice if give, it's to try your best to cut contact, as soon as you can. I know how hard this is, when you care so much.

I'm sorry, I hope you're ok. He was right though, he wasn't coping well by the sound of it. What a shame, but it probably would have got more difficult over time.