Are secret conversations cheating?

[Spitsandfurts]

My husband and I have been having issues in our relationship. I thought we were on the same page about working towards our future together, but it’s become apparent that I can’t really count on that. My issue now is that I have seen messages he has sent to two different women. In my opinion too familiar / friendly but could be brushed off if he had been open about these conversations. He wasn’t. He deleted the conversations to stop me from seeing them and when I asked him about it he lied to my face, got very defensive and said a lot of nasty things about me.

This feels like it will probably be the end of us but I’m extremely worried about what will happen if we split up. He’s from another country and says he will move back there. I’m so worried about the implications for my young son. I would never stop him seeing our son but he once threatened to take our son away, in anger, during an argument. All I wanted was to make our relationship work and for our family to stay together but he’s not even apologetic about anything. He’s blaming me and calling me abusive, manipulative, etc. I don’t know what to do.

Ps, in relation to contact should your dh move to home country. The contact would be up to him ie, he would need to make the effort and get legal contact written out.
However, as a mother, I would definately have a residency order in place and restrictions on anytime you’d chikdbmay have abroad. Until it’s been agreed by courts, I would not allow your son to go abroad with him. It also very much depends on child’s age and the country dh is from. In some nations, it’s sort of the norm for fathers to just take custody of children. Meanwhile mothers in uk are left desperately trying to get children returned.
I would get legal advice to ensure this is least likely to happen.

As the law stands, if a parent removes a child from the a British duristiction without the their parents consent, that parent can be arrested for abduction. When I divorced, I had to go to court for permission to justvtake my children on holiday to Canada for 10 days.

Are you absolutely sure your DS doesn’t have a passport from his father’s country of origin? His father might have got a passport for him without you knowing. I’m just worried about him taking your DS “home” without your permission.