I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with this situation.
So basically, we have a 4 year old together, and we live together (but in separate rooms) but we are no longer together.
We would of been together for 5 and half years, we split up during the pregnancy but I have given him multiple chances over the years to change from being lazy to being helpful, thoughtful about the housework.
We are ages 30 and 33, we both work. We both leave the house at the same time. We both come home at the same time. This is how it's been since we met apart from when our child was born.
I took the first 18 months of our first child's life together off, and then I realised it was too much for me and I am a career mum. Our child is in full time nursery from 7:30am to 6pm, Mon to Fri. She is a lot happier when she is at nursery, she is VERY energetic.
During this time, we have had no sexual intimacy since becoming pregnant in 2014, hence why, I now sleep in the living room downstairs for the last 2 years (I cannot afford to move out).
We have tried going to counselling, but he fails to attend the appointments, so I decided that it was over for good. He didn't like the fact I ended it and tried to make it up to me by being more physically affectionate, but as soon as he gets me smiling/in a good mood/laying next to him in bed (no sex) it's back to ignoring me and neglecting me.
It has effected my confidence and self-esteem quite badly, I suffer from loneliness and depression. I decided to give dating a go - I made it very clear that we were no longer together to my child's father.
I met a guy from work (not the same department as me), it was looking hopeful but he wasn't who he made out to be, he cheated and created some horrendous lies to some 'our' friends about me (they were my friends/work colleagues first) and it caused a divide with our workplace and friendships. He was sacked for his manipulative behaviour and causing the upset, I am really lucky for having such good friends and it weeded out some people who shouldn't be in my life. I can say that the experience has really put me off ever wanting to find love again, but I have accepted this and I am happier, although I am still lonely.
My ex and I take turns in cooking, I am not very confident in cooking - although I have lived on my own since 16 and he left home around the same time at 18 - so technically we both have the same amount of experience 'living away from home' in terms of time period.
When I met him, obviously he was a single, 25 year old bachelor, I have plenty of male friends and I know exactly what to expect when you walk into their bedrooms - at their parents or in their own homes!
But what I have come to realise is, he is filth and lives in squalor. Have you ever seen Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners on Channel 4? He is not a hoarder, but he does not clean his home. It turns out the first time I came to visit his bedroom in a shared flat, he changed his duvet sheets, he cleaned his en suite and then he stuffed random things under his bed that were on the floor.
I am sick of doing all the housework, working and him coming home and going out 3 times a week Mon-Fri to his Brazilian Fighting Sport or his Magic of the Gathering. At the weekends he's "tired", he "works all week" and he lays in bed all day. He even forgets to feed our daughter if I don't intervene and remind him. I don't go out with my friends, I can't afford to and I don't drink alcohol or smoke.
If he does the cooking, I do the washing up, in fact I do the washing up regardless. He does not put away the dry stuff, so I have started to pile it up on the side where he does most of his preparation for cooking. He doesn't put this away, just moves it. The kitchen counters are littered with crumbs and sauces. I also now do not take any of his plates, cups etc from the dining room table or any sides of the kitchen unless they are near the sink - and I will wash them.
I do not pick up his dirty clothes on the landing. There is a washing basket there and he is teaching our child bad habits by simply not lifting the lid and throwing the dirty clothes in the basket. The upstairs where the bedrooms and the bathroom are a tip, it's embarrassing. I only use the bathroom and I only clean up after myself. I no longer wash his clothes. I only look after my side of the living room. He does not hoover, sweep or mop.
I have even gone as far as blocking him on all social media, we used to text everyday, all day but now I only respond if it's regarding our daughter. He is back to himself and tries to win me over by being affectionate - only when it suits him ayeh??
My advice to any ladies reading this, whatever age you are, wherever you are in your life or if you are a friend, please warn your friend(s):
If you ever meet a man who can't cook for himself, clean and tidy his own bedroom or flat, do his own clothes washing and/or ironing, then do not move in or marry this bloke until he has learned to live by himself first. You ain't his mama!