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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gaming on my birthday

10 replies

mumtoateenger75 · 22/01/2019 09:20

My husband is a gamer when I meant him and the first year of our relationship he never played in the computer but when we moved In together he gradually started to play games on the computer
I don't have a problem with it at first as it was little time but we have been together nearly 6 years now and he is on it quite a bit
I have approached him and he says I should get a hobbit/interest too
How I make him feel guilty going on it
I try to pull back and not react when he does but I feel myself get a mood on
It was my birthday yesterday and he had taken the day off I went to work in the morning and when I come back he had been playing on it which is fine and then we went out for lunch and did a few errands together but in the evening after dinner he kept moaning there was nothing on tv
I looked for a film on Netflix and we watched that
But after he said I'm going on the computer for a bit as my daughter had a row with her b/f and I said I was just going to her room to make sure she was ok
I came down and he was on it
I opened a bottle of wine and sat there alone drinking my wine (on my birthday ) while he had headphones on gaming
After just under 2 hours I went to bed he came to bed with me but I was just in a bad mood
I haven't said anything as I know he will get all defensive and make me feel guilty
I said to him I am thinking of joining a gym to do in the evenings and he seemed keen as he will feel then he can game while I'm there
I don't know is it me ? Over reacting
I just feel that my birthday night of all nights
Do I mention it and cause a row or leave it and get over it ?
I don't even want to join a gym but feel if I'm occupied in the evenings he will cause less friction

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/01/2019 09:27

That definitely sounds like an issue if he couldn't or wouldn't come off it to have a glass of wine with you on your birthday. In general it wouldn't bother me if he was pulling his weight around the house but prioritising gaming before interacting with you doesn't sound right.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/01/2019 09:29

Why are you and he together at all now?. What are you getting out of this relationship with this man, whose primary relationship is really with gaming?. Its not with you.

SilverBirchTree · 22/01/2019 09:31

He sounds like he could be addicted to gaming.

I'd be pissed off, @mumtoateenger75

I have no respect for grown adults who spend copious hours playing computer games, it just seems silly to me.

pippistrelle · 22/01/2019 09:32

he says I should get a hobbit

You should - that'd learn him!

How long does he spend gaming? What else would he be doing with the time that he spends gaming? Do you still have time to do things as a couple?

It sounds like you as a couple might not be very good at communicating. Did you discuss watching a film, or did you just expect him to know that that's what you wanted to do?

Sorry, more questions than answers. Just food for thought for you really.

mumtoateenger75 · 22/01/2019 09:38

We do spend time together but just lately I feel like he would prefer to be gaming
When we talk about the gaming issue he just says well you go on your phone that's a distraction etc
I feel when he is sitting with me he is pissed off as he feels he has to do what's right for our relationship and spend time with me but deep down we both know he would rather be gaming
He is very attentive most of the time x very expressive with his love and affection but just feel we are becoming distant

OP posts:
mumtoateenger75 · 22/01/2019 09:39

Also do I bring up my birthday and him going on computer for part of that night or do I leave it as we will 100 percent end up heated debate

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 22/01/2019 09:39

There is nothing wrong with gaming but you do need to be able to talk about the level of interaction/company/space you're each happy with and any other issues - for example if he's sat with headphones on talking to other people playing that can be quite annoying to be stuck in the same room as because it's loud.

If you've been together 6 years he should know what you would like to do on your birthday. What have you done in previous years?

mumtoateenger75 · 22/01/2019 09:41

Well it was a weekday so he did take day off and took me out for lunch x picked up kids from school and as we had been out for lunch was a bit pointless going out for dinner too x

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 22/01/2019 09:41

Can you discuss it without it being a fight? Just say in the moment 'I would like us to spend my birthday together, can you turn off the computer?'

Or if the moment has passed
'When you spent my birthday evening on the computer I felt X'

mumtoateenger75 · 22/01/2019 09:45

I could but I know he will get defensive as whenever we discuss gaming he gets like that x all moody and defensive

OP posts:
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